Illegal Immigration: A Simple Solution

In a moment of absolutely stunning clarity, the solution to America's illegal immigration problem became shockingly clear to me. The epiphany occurred when I heard, for perhaps the thousandth time, this tired old argument for ignoring immigration law "illegal immigrants are important to the economy because they do the jobs that Americans are not willing to do." As the simple, unadorned truth of this statement penetrated my mind, I realized that those stalwarts who trudge north at the risk of life and limb to rescue America's poor beleaguered employers (and defend us against the possibility of any downward redistribution of wealth) need never have made that arduous journey. After all, we wouldn't need an illegal workforce were it not for the pure, wanton greed of the American worker.

Let's face it, illegal immigration would cease the instant American workers stopped demanding wages sufficient to afford housing, transportation, medical care, decent clothing, and all the electronic trivia we use to numb ourselves during those few hours when not asleep or at work. Our neighbors to the south would be able to stay home just as soon as here began to resemble there. Additional benefits that would accrue as the U.S. became more like Mexico would include, but would not be limited to, the following:

As basic survival becomes the primary preoccupation of Americans, we would stop niggling over corruption amongst public officials. This would spare our leaders the necessity of cloaking their thievery and defending themselves when caught, leaving more time to provide us with leadership.

Rock bottom wages across the board in America would stimulate corruption in law-enforcement and relieve our crowded legal system through bribery. Issues that now occupy expensive weeks or months of court time could be resolved by a simple, expedient exchange of cash at the street level.

Pressure on our refineries and oil reserves would dissipate as more and more Americans lost the ability to afford private transportation. Air pollution would become a mere memory when all but the wealthiest Americans go back to walking, or for the very courageous-public transportation.

Our medical system would instantly cease to be overburdened once the majority of Americans could no longer afford its services.

Youth employment would skyrocket as working people's life expectancy returns to nineteenth century levels and youths found it necessary to forego video games in the interest of acquiring sustenance.

The extended family would re-emerge as a vital unit in American society as we recede into tribalism in the interest of survival.

Best of all, more money would pour into the hands of the rich-a requirement our President has assured us is a prerequisite for a healthy economy. Maybe, if we got it right enough, we would one day be able to boast national kinship with the richest man in the world like the Mexicans can today, according to Informationweek.com.

Given the obvious merits of my plan, and with the trajectory the value of labor has been on in America for these past thirty plus years (which ensures such a solution will eventually be imposed whether we like it or not), why all the fuss? Let's save all that border fence money and law enforcement expense while rehabilitating our criminal employers by signing up to go broke now and get it over with. Protect our borders by demanding poverty now!

"Bill Gates Passed By Mexican Telecom Tycoon As World's Richest Man"
Paul McDougall
InformationWeek, July 5, 2007
http://www.informationweek.com/news/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=200900492