Illness is for Old People! You Are Just Being Lazy

I was just twenty-four years old and living over one thousand miles away from my family when I faced the diagnosed of rheumatoid arthritis. In barely a month I visited doctors more often than I had in years, and eventually found one who would listen to me explain my symptoms. A few days later I had a diagnosis.

Though some people wouldn't want any illness attached to them that had the descriptive words "chronic" and "forever," in an odd way I experienced relief to know what it was that accounted for the instant onset of pain and fatigue. After all, I wasn't dying from it. But few of my friends experienced any understanding about my diagnosis. The managers where I worked showed more concern about when I would be able to get my feet back into heels to keep the place looking professional. I was just hoping I could walk each day.

They quickly flung the words, "You're too young to feel so bad!" They always confused rheumatoid arthritis as being related to typical arthritis their grandmothers suffered from, exclaiming, "You can't have arthritis yet." Some tried to sympathize, comparing my fatigued body to a sports injury they had dealt with. "Oh yeah, I have some arthritis on my knee from football. It's not fun, but you just have to push through the pain." Oftentimes, the comments were accompanied by the wave of a hand or the rolling eyes.

A diagnosis in your twenties throws off all the typical decisions one is making. Your twenties should be about deciding on an education, a career, relationships, and where you will live. Suddenly, most of these choices are put on hold. Instead decisions are about how you accept (or do not) accept the diagnosis, what medications to take, what the risk of side effects are worth it, and how to locate the right doctor. We learn how to decipher lab results, what alternative treatments to try and when to have a good cry versus when to just bite your lip.

I tried to make each decision based on thorough research, a bit of instinct, and "worse case scenario" situations. So when I heard someone facetiously say, "You're too young to have that illness" it felt like a slap in the face; as if they assumed I was too gullible to fight the doctor's diagnosis and get "right one" that could be cured with a simple pill. I had to be incorrectly diagnosed, they assumed, because, after all, I "looked so good."

Laurie Edwards is the author of a great book called 'Life Disrupted: Getting Real About Chronic Illness in Your Twenties and Thirties,' She explains, "However infuriating and irrational such comments are, they only have the power to define or validate our conditions if we allow that to happen. There are all sorts of reasons why people find it easy to scorn or deny illness, especially in younger people who 'should' look and act healthy."

The ambush of advertising for prescription medicines has given the general public a small education on the fact that illnesses like rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia are legitimate diseases. However, with this education, comes the feeling that everyone is an expert and their assumptions about various diseases are now based on what one sees in those same commercials. For example, people with disabling illnesses can somehow be miraculously playing tennis or doing a marathon. While it's true that a very small percentage of people may go into remission, or those just diagnosed may have favorable results, most of us are happy if we can get out of bed, get dressed and drive a car. These commercials neglect to inform people that though an illness can be controlled somewhat, the person may still be in significant daily pain.

With any chronic condition or illness, nearly 1 in 2 which are invisible, there will be people who will always be skeptical that about the amount of impact your illness has on your life. When you are in your twenties or thirties, it's even more difficult for them to wrap their brain around the fact that you feeling better requires a great deal more than a positive attitude of a bit of exercise.