Impact of a Shopping Addiction on Marriage

A shopping addiction can cause two people to drift apart and even destroy a marriage. To further understand what impact a shopping addiction has on marriage and what someone can do to overcome a shopping addiction, I have interviewed Psychologist Joseph P. Boland, Ph.D.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a clinical psychologist in private practice in Columbia, South Carolina. I specialize in providing structured Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to adults and adolescents suffering from emotional issues like depression, anxiety, panic, anger, PTSD, low motivation, low self-esteem, etc. I also treat addictions such as alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, etc. You can read more about me at my website DrJosephBoland.com ."

Where does a shopping addiction stem from?
"Addictions start with an emotionally or physically rewarding activity that the person does to an unhealthy extent. With a shopping addiction, most people enjoy the exciting feeling of buying something new but the shopping addict starts buying things outside their means just to get the high of buying it. It is common to see people who have new clothes in their closet that they have never worn or even taken the tags off. Some people buy things planning on enjoying the high and then return the items later. Like other addictions, there is a psychological addiction to shopping that comes from irrational positive thoughts about shopping that create the psychological craving to shop."

What type of impact of a shopping addiction on marriage?
"Obviously, a shopping addiction can put a great financial strain on a marriage. Many spouses just nag their shopping addicted partner but fail take any effective action. Frequently, the shopping addict starts hiding their purchases to avoid being nagged, which can cause severe marital discord when the partner eventually finds out. Many couples have filed for bankruptcy due to credit charges and debit."

What can someone do to overcome their shopping addiction so that is doesn't impact their marriage?
"I provide a structured CBT program that teaches the person how to better understand and control their emotional feelings and psychological cravings to shop. The person can use these skills to address any underlying issues they have triggering the shopping addiction behavior and they can use these techniques to reduce or eliminate psychological cravings to shop excessively. When married, a family/marital approach is usually also incorporated. Sometimes, changes in the financial functioning are necessary. Couples may need to restructure the way they handle their finances to reduce the harm to the responsible spouse and family. For example, if both work, the paychecks may go into an account only in the name of the financially responsible partner. Most assets are also put only in the name of the responsible partner. The marital/family bills are paid from that account and money is transferred into long-term savings in the responsible partner's name or a joint account that requires both signatures. Money may also be set aside for large expenses paid only once or twice a year like property taxes. Then, the leftover money/budget for personal expenses is split equally and transferred to individual checking accounts for each partner to pay for their own expenses (clothes, personal items, hair appointments, recreational activities, etc.). Typically, all joint credit cards are cancelled and if the shopping addicted wants a credit card, they have to apply for it on their own and be totally responsible for the bill/debt. Generally, it is best for them to not have a credit card and go on a cash only basis until they can be more responsible. This individual checking account is the shopping addicted partners only source of money to use for shopping. If they spend all their money on frivolous shopping and have no money left over for a hair appointment or fun activity, they just miss out or go without. If they bounce checks, they have to work it out themselves. If the responsible partner keeps bailing the irresponsible partner out financially, they are not likely to become more responsible. Since all the assets are transferred to the responsible party and they have no joint credit cards, frequently the responsible partner is encouraged to not worry about the irresponsible partner's credit history and let them experience the natural consequences of their irresponsible shopping behavior. Bailing them out financially, over and over, just enables them to keep being irresponsible. Therapy can spend just as much time working on the responsible partner not enabling or bailing out the shopping addict as it spends on helping the shopping addict to think and act more responsibly."

Thank you Dr. Boland on doing the interview on the impact of a shopping addiction on marriage.

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