Important Characteristics Every Young Person Should Develop

In today's world, the line between childhood and adulthood is often quite blurred. Many adults never grow up, and many children grow up far too soon. There are children who dictate what goes on in the home, and adults who are looking in all the wrong places for ways to hold on to their youth. Without the proper guidance from adults, young people are left to define for themselves what characteristics and behaviors are most critical for them to develop, and they often rely on the media, their peers or their own imaginations to make this determination.

Ironically, many adults are scratching their heads as they ponder the attitudes and behaviors of today's youth. Questions are often raised about why so many young people value materialism over intellectualism; choose violence over peace, and lack the patience and work ethic needed to become well-rounded, fully contributing members of society. People are quick to shift the blame on someone else, instead of figuring out what they personally can do to bring about change in the attitudes and actions of our youth.

While I believe strongly that parents play a critical role in the psychological and intellectual development of their children, society as a whole has an even greater responsibility to shift attention from the glitz and glam that we fixate on daily to developing mentally and emotionally healthy human beings. Children should not be left to believe that a person wins "cool points" for doing time in prison or making multiple trips to rehab, or by using whatever means they can think of to get what they want out of life (no matter how unethical or criminal the activity). But before we can change the mindset of the younger generation, we must change the values that we hold as a society.

There are several important characteristics and qualities that seem to be increasingly downgraded as we place emphasis on the "Who's Who" elite and the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Though my views may be somewhat idealistic, my vision for the future is one in which these characteristics and qualities will become more important than who has the most pimped-out house or car or whose name makes headlines the most frequently in the tabloids. Allow me to highlight just a few of them (I'd have to write a book in order to list them all):

Humility. Did I miss the day when humility became a sign of weakness? Apparently so, for it seems that now it's more fashionable to be cocky and close-minded than it is to be humble and open to guidance and personal growth. There's nothing wrong with a healthy sense of self-confidence. This is not the same, however, as conceit. And unfortunately, the very arrogance that is exuded by certain individuals often masks deep-seated feelings of worthlessness and insecurity. Children and shallow-minded adults are less likely to see through the façade, and often look to these people as ever-confident role models. Thus we have a society of folks who believe that their ability to name-drop or "talk the talk" is a measure of real intelligence, and that some people are "gifted" while others simply don't have what it takes to make it in the world.

Gratitude. A sense of entitlement seems to be pervasive among today's youth. Children and teens are asking for more and more as the years go by and showing gratitude and appreciation less and less. Some young people equate love from a parent, sibling or friend with having their wishes for money or other tangibles granted at the drop of a hat. And once these items are acquired, the novelty quickly wears off as the next round of expectations and requests begins. Gratitude is becoming a thing of the past, as are the words "please" and "thank you." Instead, we rationalize that "kids will be kids," and attribute their greed and lack of genuine appreciation to an inherent developmental issue that we expect will pass as they move closer to adulthood. In many instances, however, the very lack of gratitude that one exhibited during childhood carries over into his or her adult life if left unchecked.

Integrity and Accountability. Many young people are quick to blame someone else when they screw up. It's mom or dad or grandma's fault that they have resorted to a life of immoral activity. No one ever told them this or that. They weren't loved or hugged enough as kids. News flash: There are millions of people in the world who've faced tremendous hardships early in their lives yet still manage to be productive, law-abiding citizens. They may not be perfect, but they are able to learn and grow from their mistakes and they use their misfortune to make them stronger. Having worked at several higher education institutions and come in contact with at least a sample of the overall population of tomorrow's leaders, I can say that society is in trouble unless we begin to teach our young people to act with integrity and hold themselves accountable at all times. Yes, there are some wonderful youth out there who will make great leaders one day, but there appear to be as many or even more out there who instead pursue immediate gratification at all costs and are quick to blame someone else when their efforts backfire.

Respect. Respect is lacking on all levels in today's world, and a culture of disrespect seems to dominate in American society. While we focus quite often on the lack of respect exhibited toward elders, caretakers, teachers and peers, we must not forget about the importance of self-respect. This is critical. Without respect for self, it is highly improbable that someone will routinely demonstrate respect for other human beings. We must get to the bottom of why so many young people are lacking in self-respect to the extent that they will exploit themselves over and over again. Before we become too critical of their actions, we must view these as symptoms of a much larger problem in today's society.

Compassion. Like humility, compassion for others is viewed by some as a sign of weakness. Many young people hold the notion that those who are well off in society deserve to be that way because of their hard work, ambition or keen business sense, while those who suffer must not be worthy of a better life for one reason or another. Look around and you will see many examples to the contrary. I am always impressed when I meet young people who are involved in humanitarian efforts because they have genuine concern for others - not those who begrudgingly engage in community service activities simply because they heard that doing so would increase their chances of getting into their college of choice or securing a particular job.

Every adult can play some role in helping to gradually change the mindsets of today's youth and instilling the kinds of values that will make society a much better place to be in the years to come. We can start by setting better examples and being the kind of human beings we expect our youth to blossom into one day. We can also make a difference by not just focusing on our own children. Whenever I write about the problems plaguing today's youth, someone somewhere invariably writes back that their child fortunately does not have these issues. It is important to keep in mind that while your child may not be contributing to the problems that exist among today's youth, he or she will be affected by them at some point or another. No one is immune!

Ultimately, we as members of society must take a step back and examine what our current values are and whether or not these are truly leading to a better world. Our children are direct reflections of society at large, and we cannot hold them accountable for their attitudes and behaviors if we don't hold ourselves accountable first and foremost.