Improve Communication with Your Teenager Through Listening

Do you ever feel like it's difficult to talk to your teenager even if you were once close? You're not the first parent to go through this. Teenagers often seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster and you never know what kind of mood she's going to be in but don't let that stop you. Even though it can be difficult, it's vital that you keep the communication lines open and that you're always there for your teen willing to talk and listen.

Talk Even When You're Angry

Even if you're angry with your child or feel hurt for some reason, you need to communicate and learn how to express your feelings while listening to him with deep concern and understanding. Communication is not a one-way street. You don't get to voice your opinion and expect him to simply agree with you. It doesn't work that way. Real communication involves active listening as well as talking.

See Her Side of View

Your teen may have a different view on many topics than you do and you must be willing to respect her opinion when you disagree. Never criticize, make fun of or talk down to your child. When you do this, you're not listening; you're judging. You need to practice "active listening", which simply means you interact in the conversation in a positive way. If you're having trouble applying this technique to your conversations, Eckerd Academy has a few tips that can be helpful.

Listen to More than Just the Words

When you listen to your teen, don't just listen to the words he says, listen for the feeling behind the words. In other words, pay attention to his emotions. Does he sound scared, upset, frustrated, worried or confused? Many times the emotion behind the words can tell you more than the words themselves. Even if you don't completely understand what's going on, pay attention to his expression and how he reacts as he's talking about a particular subject. This can often tell you if you need to be concerned or not.

Improve Communication with Listening

Improving communication with your teenager through listening also involves keeping your cool when she tells you something you don't want to hear. As a parent, it's your job to help her find her way and get back on track when she strays, not to judge or punish her for the mistakes made. Once something is done, you can't change it and getting angry and causing hurt feelings only escalates the problem making things worse.

Accountability

Now, this is not to say that you shouldn't let him know that what he did is wrong. He needs to know that you disapprove and explain why you have a problem with the decision he made but do so in a calm and loving manner. Listen to his reason for why he did something and help him find better ways to deal with similar problems in the future. It's all about accountability. Hold your teen accountable for things done wrong but don't insult him personally for making mistakes.

Encourage Communication

Encourage your teenager to talk to you by asking open-ended questions and be persistent without being over-bearing. If you see she is not going to budge, let it go for now and try again at a later date. When you do talk, make eye contact and put your teen first. In other words, don't answer the telephone or tell her to wait a minute while you take care of something else. Devote your full attention to listening to what she has to say and participate in the conversation with helpful responses. Aware Parenting Institute explains the difference between helpful, positive listening and unhelpful listening.

Don't let the communication between you and your teenager drift apart. Keep the communication lines open and let him know that you are always available to listen and help even if you don't approve. One of the most important things that you need to do to improve communication with your teenager is to make time for him. You can't talk or listen if you're always too busy to have a conversation.