Improve Your Teacher-Student Interactions

This is Part 1. We'll call it, "Two Teachers Complaining." Two teachers are sitting in the teacher's lounge. Mrs. Angie A looks rather upset. Mrs. Bonnie B asks, "Angie, you look upset! What's wrong?"

Mrs. Angie A states, "You won't believe what Justin did today!"

All of a sudden, Mrs. Bonnie B's face mirrors Mrs. Angie A's grim expression as she asks, "Oh, no! What did he do this time?"

Mrs. Angie A says, "I was in the middle of explaining a math problem. All of a sudden, Justin yells out, 'Hey, Samantha! Those are cool socks you got on!'"

Mrs. Bonnie B said, "That's horrible! What did you do?"

Mrs. Angie A said, "I gave him a demerit slip, of course."

Mrs. Bonnie B said, "Good for you! Guess what he did in my class yesterday!"

Mrs. Angie A responded, "Uh-oh! What did he do now?"

Mrs. Bonnie B said, "I was helping the students as they were working on their social studies assignment. All of a sudden, Justin snaps, 'This is stupid! Why do we have to do this stupid stuff anyway?!'"

Mrs. Angie A asked, "What did you do?"

Mrs. Bonnie B said, "I gave him a good talking to, and I gave him a demerit slip!"

Mrs. Angie A said, "Good! He deserved it!"

Part 2: Justin Picks Up The Negative Radio Signal

This is Part 2. We'll call it, "Justin Picks Up The Negative Radio Signal." Justin is on his way to math class. His footsteps lag. His stomach clenches up a bit. He wonders what's wrong.

He asks himself, "How come I suddenly don't feel so good?"

As you probably have discovered, students are very instinctual. At a gut level, Justin senses that Mrs. A and Mrs. B do NOT like him. It is almost as if Mrs. Angie A and Mrs. Bonnie B have sent out radio signals that Justin is picking up. That radio signal says, "Warning! Warning! Mrs. A and Mrs. B do NOT like you! Be careful! They have it in for you!"

Next, his FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice kicks in and says, "Warning! Warning! Mrs. A and Mrs. B don't like you! It's time for action!"

Justin wonders, "What kind of action? What should I do?"

His FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "You can try to FIGHT them in some way by acting out, or you can do some form of the FLIGHT option by ignoring or avoiding them."

Justin asks, "Okay! Which should I do, FIGHT OR FLIGHT? Hmmmmmm!"

Since Justin was one of those students who would rather get negative attention than no kind of attention at all, he defiantly decides to choose the FIGHT option of acting out. He thinks, "Well! They don't like me, so I don't like them! They think I'm gonna misbehave, well, ..., they're right! I sure will! After all, what do I have to lose?! They're never gonna like me anyway! So I choose the FIGHT option. That'll show them!"

Feeling disliked and uncared for, Justin plots his next move in the classes of Mrs. Angie A and Mrs. Bonnie B.

Part 3: Two Teachers Searching For Positive Aspects

This is Part 3. We'll call it, "Two Teachers Searching For Positive Aspects." Two teachers are sitting in the teacher's lounge. Mrs. Polly P looks rather elated.

Mrs. Jolly J asks, "Polly, you look absolutely glowing! What happened?"

Mrs. Polly P says, "I'm just so pleased! Justin is doing so well in my class. I've heard other teachers complaining about him misbehaving, but he does great with me."

Mrs. Jolly J says, "I know what you mean! He's one of those kids who loves attention, positive or negative. Well, I decided early on to give him as much positive attention as I could. As a result, he tries really hard in my class."

Mrs. Polly P says, "Exactly! Every now and then, he misbehaves a little. But when I ask him to stop, he apologizes so nicely. Afterwards, I can see him making such a strong effort to do better."

Mrs. Jolly J says, "Same here! He's just formed some habits in those other classes that he sometimes falls back into. But I really like him! He's a great kid!"

As you know, students are very instinctual. At a gut level, Justin senses that Mrs. J and Mrs. P really do like him. Once again, it is almost as if Mrs. Jolly J and Mrs. Polly P have sent out radio signals that Justin is picking up. That radio signal says, "Good news! Good news! Mrs. J and Mrs. P really care about you. It's safe to be your true self in their classes."

Those positive thought waves let him know there is no need to activate his FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct as there is nothing to push against or fight. Justin thinks, "I really like Mrs. J and Mrs. P. I always look forward to going to their classes. I can really relax and be myself in there. Sometimes they have to get after me for talking or tilting my desk, but that's okay. I can tell they like me! That makes me want to try really hard with them. Oh, boy! It's 6^th Period. I'm off to Mrs. J's class right now!"

Mrs. Bonnie B happened to be in the bathroom when Mrs. Jolly J and Mrs. Polly P were having their talk about Justin. She was definitely ready for a change. She didn't want to go through even one more week of experiencing Justin's defiant behavior. She thought, "I wonder if I can change this kind of negative dance that Justin and I are doing. Let's see! Is there anything I can find to like about that kid? Jolly and Polly seem to really like him. There must be something good about him that I can like."

Mrs. Bonnie B was already changing that radio signal that was being sent out to Justin. It was almost as if she was turning the knob on the tuner dial, as she began reaching for more positive thoughts about this student.

Mrs. Bonnie B thought, "Well, ..., hmmmm! You know, Justin wears the coolest shirts sometimes! I really like the colors on those shirts. They kind of make me feel happy. I guess I could tell him how much I enjoy those shirts. That might be a start! That's all I can think of for now. I hope this works!"

The next day, as Justin was entering her class, she noticed that he happened to be wearing one of those multi-colored shirts she really liked. She stopped him and said, "Justin?"

Justin said, "Yeah?"

Mrs. Bonnie B said, "You wear the coolest shirts sometime! I really like that shirt you have on right now! Those colors just make me feel kind of happy."

Justin looked kind of shocked, but pleased. He said, "Uh, ... thanks!"

Justin sat down with a thoughtful expression on his face. He stared at Mrs. B in wonder. It was almost as if that radio frequency said, "Hey! Good news! We may have been wrong about Mrs. B. She seems to like you after all!"

Those positive thought waves let him know that there was no need to activate his FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct, at least for that day. So he decides, "Hmmmm! Maybe she does care about me. I'll give her a chance. I'll try to act nice today and see what happens."

Justin tried hard to behave that day. He also worked really hard on the social studies page she assigned that day. During seat work time, he got confused at one point and asked, "Uh, ..., Mrs. B? Would you help me with this problem? I'm kind of confused about it."

Mrs. Bonnie B said, "Of course, Justin. Which one do you need help on?"

Mrs. B patiently explained how to work it and noticed that Justin was listening attentively. She now had two positive things to focus on when she thought about him outside of class: his cool shirts and how he really tried to behave nicely when she gave him an honest compliment.

Justin said, "Thanks, Mrs. B. I get it now! I really like working with maps. I just got confused about that latitude - longitude thing."

Mrs. Bonnie B asked, "Do you ever read the road maps when you travel with your family?"

Justin said, "Yeah! My Mom can't read maps worth anything. So I'm the map reader when we go on trips."

Mrs. Bonnie B said, "That's great, Justin! That's a good skill to have! Well, I better go help Cindy now! I enjoyed talking with you!"

Mrs. Bonnie B got her wish. She changed the way that she danced with Justin. As a result, he changed the way that he danced with her. She had to take it day by day, but things got better and better as she continued concentrating on what was special about him.

In addition to being a Professional Storyteller & Published Author, Debbie Dunn is a Conflict Resolution Specialist. For five years (1998 to 2003) at an East Tennessee middle school, Debbie taught Conflict Resolution techniques, Character Education strategies, and Public Speaking. The class was called Communication Skills. This story is part of the staff development follow-up workshop she created to accompany her curriculum called 3 C's: Conflict Resolution, Character Education, & Communication Skills. To print off this story in role-play form, please click on the following link: http://askdjlyons.com/role-play_improve_your_teacher-
student_interactions.pdf

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