Improving Adult Mother-Son Relationships

Improving mother-son relationships can land at the top of any mother's "to do" list. Mother's desperately want that relationship to be harmonious, but just wanting a good relationship with our sons is seldom enough to make that fond wish come true. In addition to my own experience with one son, I have also spent years watching my own mother try to keep close to her two sons and my grandmother attempt to stay on the happy side of her 4 sons. Some lessons have been learned and lead to these suggested steps towards improving adult mother-son relationships.

Remember that your son is not your daughter. Sounds rather simple but it is amazing how many times mothers get fully involved in a conversation with a son only to realize that he has already drifted back into a baseball game on television, picked up the paper or has begun working on a crossword puzzle. While some men don't mind long, often emotion laden discussions, filled with lots of descriptive words and plenty of back-story, most that I know don't. They don't mean to be rude they just don't seem to know how else to react when the conversation extends beyond a few exchanges. So they lapse into other activities. The result can be Mom's feelings get hurt, son doesn't get it and the two move a little further apart. While your daughter may enjoy sitting with you for hours and exchanging choice tidbits about family, friends, neighbors, births, deaths and weddings,your son probably won't. By remembering the difference between sons and daughters moms can reduce hurt feelings and improve adult mother-son relationships. .

Remember that your son is not your husband. Again this may seem to oversimplify what is actually a very challenging request. Unable to totally refashion their husbands, mothers sometimes pick up the remodeling job by working more diligently on their sons. Maybe a mother can't fully turn her husband into a polite, thoughtful, kind, generous human being, so she grabs at the next best thing: turning her son into the man her husband hasn't quite become. This is of course unfair to both husband and son. On the other hand some mothers try to turn their sons into Dad-duplicates. If Dad is a great dresser, athlete, mathematician, musician, then Mom works hard to see those same abilities come shining through in junior. This kind of imposed comparison seldom has a happy ending. Instead moms can take a quantum leap in improving mother-son relationships with their own sons if they invest their energy in recognizing and supporting the unique talents, abilities and behaviors of each son separate and distinct from Dad.

Acknowledge your son's wife with pride. Many uncomfortable moments transpire between adult mother and son that seem to swirl around the existence of the son's wife. Like every other human being on earth your son's wife will have some qualities and characteristics that you admire and others that you find difficult to abide. It can be very easy to find fault with your son's wife but it is immensely counter productive. Not only will your negative remarks or actions weaken your relationship with your daughter in law, they can poison the whole family against her. Mothers can work magic on their relationship with their sons if they turn a positive spotlight on their son's wife and extol, in a sincere manner, the things she does well, ignoring the rest. It only takes a smidge of common sense to know that if you build a sincerely warm relationship with your son's wife you are also likely to improve your relationship with him.

Value his children . This really should be a no brainer approach to improving adult mother-son relationships. Grandmothers almost to a one instinctively love their grandchildren. They find everything a grandchild does to be adorable, commendable, incredible and lovable. Praise from grandmother to grandchild flows like a wild river. There just is no stopping it.

Unfortunately too often grandmothers forget or simply pass on the chance to praise their own sons for their role in helping to develop each nearly perfect grandchild. Sincerely complimenting your son's parenting skills can help to lift his mood and his own self image. Regularly recognizing your son, by complimenting his children in his presence, is a sure and simple way to improve adult mother-son relationships

Pray . There probably is not a mother of faith, any faith, who does not spend time regularly praying for her son. We pray for all sorts of things for him: good health, a happy family life, work he enjoys. Why not include a simple but earnest petition for God's help and guidance as you work each day to improve your mother-son relationship.
By bringing your relationship with your son to your God in prayer. As you do you will unavoidably improve your relationship with your son because you will remind yourself of the undeniable sanctity of that relationship.