Improving Our Love of Self

Self love is righteous self-esteem which stems from one's relationship with God. Self-centered love is worldly self-esteem which stems from one's relationship with the world.

In the Bible there are a number of scriptures such as the Ten Commandments which say that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. Therefore, it is obvious that self-love is supposed to be part of our character. The Apostle Paul said as much to the church at Ephesus. "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." (Eph.5:29)

However, there is a difference between self-love and self-centeredness. Righteous self-esteem comes from who we are in Christ. Worldly self-esteem comes from who we are in the world. To focus on one's self is to turn love inward which is what happened to Satan. Love is meant to flow out from us, not inward.

To love one's self is to recognize the fact that God created us as distinct individuals. Since the beginning of time there has been a vast multitude of people born to this world and no two have ever been born alike. God created every person with his or her own individual characteristics. Each of us is a unique one-of-a-kind person created exactly the way God wanted us to be.

God indwells every believer so the love we have for ourselves flows from God to us and from us to others. Without self-love there can be no love for others. But how can we develop love for self without becoming self-centered? Of what does self-love consist?

As we meditate on the Word and spend time in prayer, the love and forgiveness of God will fill us as we begin to feel the value of our own worth as His children. This understanding of self-worth extends to others as we recognize the love God has for them. We come to understand how their needs, wants and desires are just as important as our own because we see ourselves in them. When we are moved with compassion at seeing ourselves in others it validates our self-love.

Having experienced cold, hunger and discomfort we are able to recognize these needs in others and understand by our own experience that they need to be fed, clothed and comforted. The love we have for ourselves flows outward to them as we put ourselves in their place. Those whose love flows inward see nothing but their own needs and desires. Rather than put themselves in the place of the one suffering they glory in the fact that they are not the one who's suffering.

Self-esteem for the Christian is accepting one's own imperfections. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We know that someday we will be like Christ and all our imperfections will disappear. We know also that Jesus accepted us just the way we are so we should do the same for each other. If the Lord of the universe accepts us, we must be of great value to Him. Therefore, others who belong to Him are just as precious. Since He is no respecter of persons, He loves each of us equally.

Jesus said the Father loves us very much and that even the hairs of our head are numbered. He said that nothing escapes the Father's notice, not even the falling of a little sparrow, and that we are worth far more than sparrows. (Matt.10:28-30)

Worldly self-esteem rides a rocky road like a rollercoaster that goes up and down, round and around because life has a way of throwing us for a loop. But those who belong to God are not so easily tossed by circumstances. We know that all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

Self-esteem is not measured by what we have but by who we are, or more importantly by whose we are. We belong to the King and are heirs with Him. We will even judge angels. (1Cor.6:3) It seems inconceivable that we will be elevated to such positions or that we would even be capable of such things. But the Bible is very clear about the future of God's people.

When Christ comes, those who belong to Him will receive glorified bodies. "Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father." (Matt.13:43) Our finite minds can't comprehend the things God has planned for us. "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." (1Cor. 2:9)

As we take all of these things into consideration it doesn't take long to develop self-love. It doesn't come from believing there is anything great about us but from believing what is great about Christ.

None of us can fully understand the glory awaiting us. The Scriptures say that our true identities are hidden with Jesus Christ. "Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." (Col.3:2-4)

Self-love consists of a realization that we, whether dark or light skinned, short or tall, skinny or fat, male or female, were bought with an incredible price and the fact that we belong to God. "...ye are not your own?" (1Cor.6:19) With this in mind our self-love motivates us to take good care of ourselves remembering always that God loved us enough to die for us. We are God's highest creation and are so important to Him that He sends angels to watch over us and protect us. (Heb.1:14)

However, due to our sinful nature and our limited existence in these fragile bodies, it's difficult to fathom such realities. Even king David, the apple of God's eye had difficulty accepting the value that God has placed upon us. "What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor. You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, All sheep and oxen- Even the beasts of the field, The birds of the air, And the fish of the sea That pass through the paths of the seas." (Psalm 8:4-8)

When we come to realize how precious we are to God, self-love begins to grow. If it grows outward we develop righteous self-esteem. If it grows inward we develop worldly self-esteem. The difference is in how we feel toward others. Righteous self-esteem manifests itself in acts of kindness and mercy, giving less thought to its own needs for the sake of others. Worldly self-esteem focuses on self-preservation and its own needs.

Over time, loving and helping others produces an enormous amount of satisfaction as it always results in love which comes back to us. We become appreciated and loved by all whose lives we've touched. Their love and gratitude ascends to God and back to us. It is a divine circle of love which expands as it continues to grow.

Those who are puffed up with worldly self-esteem have no self-love. Take their worldly possessions away and they will sink down into despair and self-loathing because they measure their self-worth by their possessions. Moreover, they arrogantly credit themselves for all of their achievements so that when they fail, they have only themselves to blame.

That's not to say that Christians blame God for failures. We know that all things work together for the good to those who love God. If we fail through our own errors we know it was for our learning and that God always does what is best for His children. Those who seek righteous self-esteem are valued by their position in Christ. Those who seek worldly self-esteem are valued by their position in the world.

There is no law where there is love as love knows no evil and desires only the good. But our love must extend to all and not to friends and family alone. Jesus said that even the pagans love those who love them. Since God loved us while we were yet enemies, we should imitate His ways and do the same.

Therefore, self-love comes from who we are in Christ and is evidenced by the love we extend to others. The way to develop self-love is to show genuine compassion and kindness to all which produces a clear conscience. Every ounce of love, compassion or concern that we show toward others is circled back to us.It is a divine circuit and pleasing to God.

Interesting Reading:

Making Prayer Work
Wisdom in God's Commands
Self-Control for Christians