Improving Self Esteem in Children

In recent years, the focus on self-esteem among our children has been intensified. It is certainly a good thing for us to try and instill in our children a high self-esteem. According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary (www.m-w.com), self-esteem is defined as: a confidence and satisfaction in oneself. We certainly want our children to have confidence in their abilities, and to have a satisfaction in themselves and their abilities. However, on many fronts, the self-esteem instilled in children is completely fallacious. For example, in some sports, the teams have quit keeping score. They don't want any of the children to feel like they have "lost". The problem with this is that it does not teach the children about winning and losing graciously, and it certainly does not teach them to have "confidence and satisfaction in oneself". If everyone is exactly the same and no one is ever better than anyone else, then how can you have satisfaction in your own abilities? So, self-esteem is important, but it must be based upon a true self evaluation! So, let's consider some tips for building a true self-esteem in children today.

1. Find activities that your child is really good at. Not all children will excel in the same things, but all children will excel in some things! We have all seen the child who could not play baseball, and had no desire to do so, but his father wanted him to play. He can't hit, and can't field, and he really isn't having any fun. But, he is forced to stay out there because his father wants to live vicariously though him. That will not instill self-esteem, because this child will probably never be very good, even though he may work hard. We as parents need to let our children find what they are good at. Let them try many things, and then settle on the ones they like the best. Some kids will be great at sports while others will be great at math, others great at science or English.

2. Encourage your child in the areas he has real potential in. He doesn't have to be the smartest child in the class, or the best football player on the team, but he may enjoy it, and show some skill or potential. As his parent, encourage those activities. Children like to be praised when they do well, but I am also convinced that they know when parents are praising them unworthily. If your child is terrible at some activity and you still act as if he is the best ever, you are really going to do more harm to his self-esteem than good. He will come to believe that he is so bad that you have to lie to him about it!

3. Be honest with your child. No matter how hard it may be to tell your child that they are not really good at something, that is what they need for honest self-evaluation. Trust me, when they are among their peers, they will be told the truth. Kids can be brutally honest. If you have told your child that they are really good at something when they are not, then they will be ridiculed by those that they try to compete with. And again, when your child is good at something, be honest. Give them the praise they deserve. Reacting honestly with your child will help them to steer their lives in the proper direction. There is no shame in not being good at one particular thing. And, when they find what they are good at, they will excel. Being honest with your child will not destroy their self-esteem as so many people believe. It will cause them to find their true "niche" in life.

4. Strive for perfection. That is not to say that your child will be perfect. But, if you instill a strong work ethic, your child will be proud of the effort that they put in. Even if he is not the best player on the team, he can have high self-esteem based on his effort. Parents can really help out here by teaching a strong work ethic. If a child is going to excel in any area of life, he is going to have to work. If we teach them that they cannot excel, and that they cannot ever be better than anyone else, then that will take away their desire to improve. Even if you instill in them the desire to compete against themselves (that is, improve their own performance), it will cause them to improve themselves. The better one performs, the better self-esteem he will have.

We can instill self-esteem in our children. But, we need to make sure that we instill a kind of self-esteem that will be truly beneficial to them. To puff them up unrealistically will only cause them to falter later. So, follow these tips, and get your child pointed in the right direction!