In Defense of Antidepressants

The use of antidepressants has been a controversial topic for some years now. Even before Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah's couch and declared that exercise and vitamins should be used instead of antidepressants, people have argued about them: their usefulness, whether or not they're over-prescribed, whether they do more harm than good, etc. I would just like to weigh in on this debate with my own personal story involving antidepressants.

I am currently in my late twenties. For years, I had problems with depression. I was often irritable and my moods were volatile. I had many days where I just felt terrible for no good reason all day. Many of those days stretched into weeks. I had trouble being productive because while in my brief times of feeling happy and almost okay I could begin projects, inevitably the downfall would come and I would give up on everything I had been working on. I felt terrible about myself and hated myself much of the time. I felt like I had trouble functioning in society and maintaining normal friendships. Basically, I was not doing well.

It was almost ten years ago that a counselor I was seeing at college recommended I go on antidepressants. I flat out refused. I didn't want to do something that was unnatural, I didn't think I needed them, etc. I had a wide variety of reasons, many that echo the reasons of those in our society today who are against antidepressants.

A few years later, my problems started getting worse and worse. The past three years especially were terrible and difficult for me. During those years, I tried as hard as I could to make myself feel better. I ate healthily. I exercised frequently. I began taking then eventually teaching yoga. I tried new hobbies. I tried new jobs. I moved various times. I had various friendships and relationships. I took B vitamins. I went on birth control in case my problems were hormonal. I went to therapy weekly for 2+ years.

I became so frustrated through all this, because while I felt like I was doing everything right (after all, don't those against antidepressants recommend doing all those various things I mentioned above?), I could only feel my mood problems getting worse.

Eventually I became so despondent I just stopped showing up at therapy. I didn't know what to do with myself. Luckily, my extremely patient boyfriend who probably should have broken up with me during all this as I was a terrible girlfriend and just straight up unpleasant to be around most of the time (I think most guys would not have been able to handle it), began talking to me about trying antidepressants. At first, I was resistant, but eventually things got so bad he basically insisted and I finally thought, "Oh well, what do I have to lose?"

I found a local nonprofit that enabled me to receive the initial diagnosis visits for free and allowed me to get generic brand antidepressants at a great price. Finally, late this spring, I began taking antidepressants for the first time.

The difference was almost immediately noticeable. While the pills certainly didn't make everything perfect or turn me into a different person, they really helped where I needed them to. I started feeling less angry and irritable. I started feeling better about myself. I was able to patch up my friendship with my roommate, who was also an old friend of mine, that had gone entirely downhill during my depression. My relationship with my boyfriend improved greatly. I was able to be more productive. But most of all, I was able to feel level, normal, okay. As anyone with depression knows, just being able to start off at neutral makes a huge difference. Just being able to start the day without feeling like you hate yourself and everything is worthless makes it a lot easier for you to help yourself continue getting better. (I'd also like to add, as an aside, that I was very afraid of the side effects of antidepressants, which is partly why I avoided them for so long. Yet when I finally took them, I really had no side effects to speak of.)

While all the things I was doing to help myself before I went on the pills were good ideas, they just weren't going to work on their own. I needed what I got from antidepressants to help make those things actually effective for me. And now I still do those things, and while I still have to work on myself and work on my life and work towards being happier, I'm at least now at a place where I can actually do that. It's like before I was held down underwater so nothing could help, and now I'm at least treading water and working on swimming further and further away from the things that held me down.

I just wanted to share this because I bet there are a lot of people like me out there who are resistant to the idea of taking antidepressants. It doesn't help that our society continually implies that antidepressants are worthless, unnatural ways for the drug companies to make money and that people can help themselves out of depression by exercising, going to therapy, positive thinking, etc. I've got to wonder if the people who say things like that have ever *really* been depressed, and if they know what it's like to struggle against depression no matter how hard you try to be good. I kind of doubt that they do.

So let me just end this by saying: don't buy into the negativity surrounding antidepressants. If you're depressed, at least give them a try. I may have never if not for my boyfriend, and now I'm more grateful for them than I can even say. So please, do yourself a favor and just give them a chance.