In Defense of Dixie

As a Tennessean, I can't help but get a little aggravated at the way the rest of the country views the South. Why is it so taboo to make jokes about any other group of people, but it always seems to be open season on Johnny Reb? Jay Leno is one of the biggest offenders, making his smart-ass remarks almost nightly about incest, missing or rotten teeth, drunkenness, trailer parks, the KKK, and illiteracy. I'll bet he ain't got the guts to come to Knoxville and flap that big ol' chin like he does in California!

Talk to the old-timers down here. Read a few old books on the politics of the Civil War. You'll see that this attitude toward Southerners goes all the way back to antebellum times. It seems Washington wanted too much control over the South's resources, and had placed high tariffs on cheaper Southern goods that were outselling more costly goods produced up North. This Constitutional violation of state's rights was the main factor that led to the decision to secede.

Washington did not want the South to secede because they coveted her rich natural resources, like lumber and minerals. Unfortunately, since the Southern Aristocracy made its fortune from the horrible practice of slavery, Capitol Hill had a marketable reason to sell constituents on taking the South back by force. In reality, those hypocrites never really cared one way or the other about plight of the Blacks. To them, they were nothing more than a propaganda tool to garner public support for the Civil War (sort of like the WMD's in Iraq).

Although the vast majority of Southerners were farmers and laborers who didn't even own slaves, the propaganda had already taken effect. Even average Southerners who abhorred the practice were unfairly stereotyped as racists. After Appomattox, one of the many ways the Union attempted to punish the South was the Reconstruction Act of 1867, which would've only given Southern Blacks the right to vote (but not Northern Blacks; Gee, I wonder why?). When President Andrew Johnson of Tennessee vetoed the bill, the Yankee politicians and the Union-sympathetic press branded him as a bigot, despite his long-held and well-known anti-slavery sentiments. I'm quite sure this helped build political support for his impeachment.

Unfortunately, this mentality lasted way beyond the Reconstruction, and the South is still being punished over a century later for her insurrection, always the last to get federal education dollars, disaster relief, farm subsidies, and highway funds. The result is the nation's highest poverty rate, poorest infrastructure, and lowest literacy levels. Basically, they fixed the race against Dixie, and then they had the nerve to mock us, as if we deserved to be short changed!

Yes, Dixie still harbors some animosity towards Yankees, but just towards the ones who move down here to escape the problems of the tax-it-all, rules-for-everything North, only to arrogantly impose the Northern mentality and way of life upon us. They come to our land and treat us like children, like our function in life is to serve them and their spoiled offspring. They can be very patronizing and condescending when dealing with us. When a Yankee corporation opens a plant down here, acting like they're doing us a favor by bringing jobs, they conveniently forget to mention that they are really running away from the powerful labor unions. Funny how only the production facilities move down here while the corporate headquarters always stays up North.

As a Yankee who moved here 25 years ago, I have a very different view of the South. Generally speaking, they are smart and resourceful folks who take the initiative to solve their own problems, and don't wait around for someone else to bail them out of a jam. What some may lack in education, they more than make up for with common sense. They are proud, and won't take anybody's pity. They are the most charitable group of people I have ever met, always pulling together to help a neighbor or family member through a tough time.

They are polite and gracious hosts who treat a guest like family (you just can't beat Southern hospitality!). They have the guts to stand up for what they believe in, even if they're standing alone. These men and women work hard, both on the job and at home. They love God, family, and country, and will fiercely defend them all. And they don't do the PC crap, so they definitely aren't two-faced; if they don't like you, they sure won't pretend to!

My favorite thing about them is their resiliency and stoicism. They take a lot of crap from every other American without whining or belly-aching about it. They don't start special-interest groups to lobby for laws to control what is said about them. They don't push for hate-crime legislation against those who verbally and even physically attack them for being Southern. They just don't have time for all that nonsense because they too are busy worrying about more important things (like earning a living!). Yes, the South has drunks, racists, wife-beaters, and other assorted scumbags, but really no more or less than any other region in America. Show me someplace that doesn't have its black sheep, and I'll personally come to your house and make you the best doggone biscuits and gravy you ever had!