In Memory of My Mother - a Mother's Day Poem

Your life was such a fleeting vapor
Taken so young by the addictions
That plagued your existence
There were so many things against you
Trying to destroy your very soul
You were finally defeated
In the midst of a violent death
I was just a child when you died
Crushed by the loss of my mother
A hurt so deep it became anger
And bitterness over the years
My memory was clouded
Losing the good I knew in you
All I remembered was bad
While I blamed you for your death
I spent so many years
As the victim of a tragic loss
Carrying it with me every day
Hating the world and its creator
But now, now I understand
After spending so many years hopeless
Without the love of God in my life
Trying to find something to fill the void
In many ways I became you
Selling my soul for satisfaction
Drawn to men with violent hands
Just wanting someone to love me
Looking for a way to kill the pain
Only temporarily erased by a high
Or in the arms of another man
But it always came back stronger
Till I found a hope you didn't have
One that saved me from the fate you met
And gave me a better life
Than you had ever known
Now there is no bitterness or anger
Nor do I blame you for your death
I forgave you for leaving me
And understand what you went through
I only wish you could have had
The hope I live for each day
And would have known the love
That could have saved you
But all I can do is remember
Bringing to mind the good that was you
And write these words
In memory of my Mother