In Need of a Neighborhood: Why the Lessons of Mister Rogers Are So Important Today

When I had Internet access for the first time I did two things: listened to recordings of whale songs and visited the website for Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. Moved by the videos and letters I found there, and driven by a sense of gratitude and nostalgia, I composed a poem about being an adult who grew up in the Neighborhood. I sent this poem to Fred Rogers along with a brief letter. I never expected to get anything in return. But, not long after, I received a personal letter, along with some postcards and a schedule of when some of the factory visits would be shown. (I'd mentioned that they were my daughter's favorite.) When Fred died, I wept as if I'd lost a family member. When we moved to our new home, his letter was the first thing to be unpacked.

What is it about this simple man who starred in a simple children's show that seems to be so compelling to so many who grew up watching him? I'm sure the answer is not the same for any two people. And I think that in and of itself is part of the answer. Fred embraced individuality. Fred Rogers made children and adults feel that they were important and that the things that were important to them were valid things. Whether you worked putting heads on dolls, were a virtuoso cellist, or were learning how to tie your shoes, you had value and what you did mattered.

So why is this important now? Am I proposing that what we need is a "gold star" society where everyone is constantly craving and receiving little self-esteem booster shots? No. And neither did Fred. Some people have mistaken his drive to instill in children emotional awareness and a sense of self-worth for a wishy-washy sentimentality. But with every lesson in emotions Fred also included ways that kids could show self-control. He gave kids ownership of their feelings and suggested ways of coping with them. Today, when more and more kids are diagnosed with behavioral disorders, we have to wonder if kids' behavior has changed as much as our attitudes towards it. Telling a child he or she had a disorder can have the opposite effect intended, as it gives the child an excuse for bad behavior. Without saying that there is not a place for medication and intervention in certain situations, I believe that teaching coping mechanisms is probably far more valuable. It embraces the differences of children while teaching them personal responsibility.

That being said, no man, or child, is an island. And while Fred taught a lot about individualism, he gave equal time to interpersonal communication. When I was taking psychology classes in college, we were told than the most important developmental time for a child was before the age of five. Now that time span is even shorter. I cannot be the only one who has noticed the correlation between that time span and the length of time before children are sent to some kind of schooling. School started for me in kindergarten. For my daughter it was pre-school. Now there is an even younger pre-school for three-year-olds. In trying to give kids a head start, we are actually doing them a potential disservice. The best teachers in a classroom setting cannot replace one on one time with a listening adult. The very format of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood shows the importance Fred placed on this individual kind of communication.

But Fred also understood the value of community, the importance on neighbors. I am a bit ashamed to say that even in my tiny town, I cannot tell you my neighbors' names. And with the growth of technology, today's kids have an even greater tendency to bury themselves in isolating activities. There was a time when households had only one television. Now kids can go watch their own. Computers can connect, but they have an equal tendency to separate. Fred set a better example. He made daily visits to neighbors, who also dropped in on him. He shared what he had, gave away what he had made. These lessons in being part of a greater whole, of caring, compassion, and being interconnected, were not just for children.

While there are some quality programs for children today, there is not anything on television that combines all the elements of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. Beyond the lessons in self and community, Fred encouraged imagination, an essential skill that is also taking a hit from too much pre-packaged entertainment. But, unlike other shows, he was very careful to draw a line between what is imaginary and what is real. When this isn't stressed, kids who are constantly exposed to fiction can become desensitized or lost in fantasy. (Sometimes, as I while away an hour or two online, I feel the line blur myself.)

Thinking back, I am amazed at all the lessons Fred (and those who worked with him) managed to wedge into a half-hour show. He taught kids to use what they had, a lesson in environmentalism as well as creativity, and one that discouraged the rampant consumerism that has us in such a mess today. He exposed kids to science and music and a vast array of arts. He helped kids overcome fears by walking them through the process, from going to the dentist to watching Lou Ferrigno put on his Incredible Hulk makeup. There was never a wasted moment. Everything done or said taught something. Yet somehow this "busy" show managed to be calm, reassuring, and reliably stable and structured.

There will probably never be another individual like Fred Rogers or a show like Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. And if by some miracle there were, the diversity of offerings today, on television and in other media, would water down its impact. So it is up to all of us to revisit the neighborhood. We need to pass along the lessons learned and embrace them ourselves. Take a minute to talk to a child. Lend a hand. Make something new out of something old. Share a snack. Share a smile. Approach new experiences with a sense of wonder.

In short, we need to stage a quiet revolution. As a society and as individuals, we need to step away from our self-centered, scapegoating, consumeristic ways. We need to take ownership of our own thoughts and actions. And we need to be better neighbors. Only then will we begin to see things change for the better. Only then can we hope to see more beautiful days in our neighborhoods.