In Praise of Nutty Notions

"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell, 1950
"The best lack all conviction, while the worst/ are full of passionate intensity." -- William Butler Yeats, 1919
"We are fighting a fascist, social - whatever you call it take over and remaking of the United States of America" -- Rush Limbaugh, 2009¹

Let's face it, brothers and sisters: lunacy is really all the rage these days. It's always been around, of course; there always have been people ready tell anyone who would listen about their expeditions to the center of the earth, or about how the government is fluoridating the water in order to turn us into sterile zombies. But at least two things are different now.

First, the kookiness seems increasingly to center on political matters, especially since the election of That Black Guy as president, which has pumped insanity and nastiness up to an all-time high. (Ironically, by dragging criticism of the president down to such a trashy, childish level, the Hannitys and Becks could make it more likely that the public at large would overlook any wrongdoing he actually might be guilty of. Call it the Pundit Who Cried Marxist Syndrome.) There are still plenty of other topics of looniness, mind you, but politics definitely has taken center stage.

The other difference is how nuttiness has been popularized, legitimized, and even actively promoted by the media. The prevailing wisdom in the media seems to be that if one person believes the earth is flat, and a million believe it's round, then the truth must be somewhere in the middle. Although in practice, coverage tends to be heavily slanted in favor of the first theory. After all, it makes better copy.

In the past, the hosts of talk shows - folks like Joe Pyne, Wally George and Morton Downey, Jr - were regarded as distinctly fringe characters themselves. But my, how times have changed. Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck and many, many others like them are very much in the limelight, and indeed have built huge fortunes by pandering to paranoia and hatred, helping to swell daffiness into a full-blown plague. Limbaugh declared - and had his faithful followers believing - that the economic slump that had been dragging on for several months was "the Obama recession"²... TWO MONTHS BEFORE OBAMA WAS EVEN INAUGURATED!!! More recently, he proclaimed that "exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system."³

And the crowd goes wild.

Fairandbalanced Fox News, serving up an around-the-clock smorgasbord of spittle-flecked rantings over up-to-the-minute conspiracy theories, continues to dominate the ratings among "news" networks. And according to one survey, 70 percent - yes SEVENTY PERCENT - of Fox's viewers believe the "death panel" stories, or don't know they're untrue⁴. I've talked to several people who believe whatever Fox tells them, and such individuals invariably confess that Fox is in fact the only news (sic) network they watch because it's "the only one that tells the truth". This makes me wonder whether their perceptions of other networks must be based on whatever Fox tells them about those rival networks. It's like asking Coke for an assessment of Pepsi. In any case, when I ask just what kind of research they do to confirm that Fox is in fact being straight with them, the best I ever get is an incredulous stare, as if they are quite impatient with my impertinent, impious ignorance.

And this brings us to a very important point. Some wacky rumors are harmless enough, but many are hateful and divisive; and perhaps the most disturbing thing about how they take root in popular culture is the realization that most people who hear them probably wouldn't buy into them were they not already eager to believe such things. The media manipulators certainly magnify, exploit and profit from bigotry, but they don't really manufacture it; it's there already. When people demand, "give me something crazy and venomous to believe", there is always someone ready to oblige.

Fact is, there is absolutely nothing so nutty that a lot of people won't take it seriously. Let us pay tribute to some of the delightfully dotty convictions that have floated around in recent times:

Elvis is still alive.

JFK is still alive.

JFK murdered Marilyn Monroe - who is still alive.

Bill Clinton (who couldn't keep his sex life under wraps) secretly had hundreds of people murdered. One of them was Vince Foster, who was having an affair with Hillary - who is really a lesbian.

The moon landing was staged. Several times.

9-11 was a hoax, or was an inside job.

Hurricane Katrina and 9-11 (although it was a hoax) were God's retribution for our wickedness.

Marriage is an "institution", and allowing the wrong people to marry will destroy it.

Homosexuality is a choice. But it can be cured.

Homosexuals are trying to convert children to their "lifestyle".

School textbooks are written by people who have an agenda to indoctrinate kids into some deviant lifestyle or other. (A battle is being fought for the minds of our kids, and it's up to us who wins. Ask Tucker Carlson.)

Harry Potter books promote devil worship. (Maybe you have to read them backward to get the effect.)

Outlawing abortion is an effective way to prevent it. Feminist organizations want women to have as many abortions as possible, because it makes them feel empowered. (Just ask Rush.)

The white male is the most repressed demographic in America. (Ditto)

Sex education only encourages kids to do things they would never have the imagination to think of otherwise.

So many people wish other people "happy holidays" because there is a war being waged against Christmas.(Fox alumnus John Gibson is the grand authority on this one.)

Christians are heavily persecuted in government, education, media, and every other segment of society.

Global warming is a hoax.

Fossils lie. And so do scientists, who enter their profession just to get rich. If you want the truth about science, you have to get it from politicians, pundits, petroleum executives and televangelists.

ACORN is a thoroughly corrupt and extremely powerful organization. Oh yeah, and they stole the election.

The United Nations is a hopelessly corrupt organization that wants to rule the world. Or does already.

The Holocaust was a hoax.

Dan Brown's books are nonfiction.

McCarthy was a hero; the only victim of witch hunts in the Fifties was McCarthy himself.

Bilderberg Group. New World Order. Mass extermination and enslavement. Yada yada yada. (Anyone mention Alex Jones?)

Barack Obama is a foreigner.

Barack Obama (being half black and half white) is a racist.

Barack Obama is a terrorist.

Barack Obama is a Muslim.

Barack Obama is a socialist.

No, wait, Barack Obama is a fascist.

No, wait, he's both a socialist and a fascist, even though that's contradictory.

Barack Obama is the Antichrist. (Apparently he wrested that title from Hillary).

Barack Obama wants to kill your grandparents.

Barack Obama plans to take away your guns.(Notice a recurring theme here?)

Barack Obama's use of a teleprompter like any other president proves, even though (unlike most other presidents) he helps write his own speeches, that he is too stupid to speak extemporaneously.

Barack Obama's addressing students (like other presidents) and encouraging them to stay in school is clearly a sinister plot to produce better educated citizens who will support his totalitarian agenda.

Barack Obama is the love child of Malcolm X and Elvis. (Actually, I just made that one up. But you wouldn't have known, would you?)

FEMA is preparing internment camps for dissenters.

You're anti-American if you question an administration's reasons for invading another country, and you're anti-troop if you don't want to see the armed forces sent into harm's way without due cause. But you're very patriotic (and very Christian) if you attack as viciously as possible a president who wants health care reform. And you're especially patriotic if you demonize half the population of the country for not concurring with your beliefs.

Trying to make medical treatment accessible to all Americans is exactly the kind of thing Hitler would have done. Saving lives will take away your freedom and destroy the nation. (Pay no attention to that Cigna CEO behind the curtain).

The "tea party" and town hall protesters organized and promoted by the insurance companies, Fox News and radical think tanks are a grassroots revolution; but the president's efforts to accommodate the majority of the population who have demanded health care reform for years is Orwellian astroturfing.

The rest of the world hates America because we're the only ones who have freedom. We're especially detested by that sissy country that gave us a stupid statue.

It doesn't matter what we do with the economy, because Adam Smith's invisible hand will sort things out in the end no matter how irresponsibly we behave.

Conservationists are tree-hugging terrorists who love animals more than people, and don't really care about the environment. Only oil, timber and mining companies care about the environment.

Weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq.

The earth is only a few thousand years old, and dinosaurs (if they weren't just invented and planted in the bedrock by those devious, godless scientists) coexisted with cavemen.

The world has been invaded by, and is being controlled by, a race of lizard aliens.(I did NOT make that one up. Hmmm... maybe we actually should look into that one.)

Nuttiness. It's not just for nuts anymore. It's gone mainstream, and it's playing on a television screen near you. So polish up your tin hat, pour yourself another Kool-Aid, and keep an eye out for those black copters. Paint a mustache on the president and get ready to join a Mad Hatter tea party to denounce socialism and declare you've been taxed enough already, and then complain like hell about the lousy service provided by public transit in getting you there. And above all, be sure to get all your information from one source. Don't bother trying to contact us, we know where to find you.

Brought to you by the American Council for Citizens Concerned About Liberty and Other Unrelated Matters. Send us a buck and forward this to ten people, or eventually you'll die.

1. Rush Limbaugh Show, Sept. 17, 2009
2. Rush Limbaugh Show, Nov. 8, 2008
3. Rush Limbaugh Show, June 12, 2009
4. http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1319/death-panels-republicans-fox-viewers