Inappropriate Gifts for Lovers!

People who are in love seem to suffer from temporary brain-loss. They usually wake up after a while, completely broke or suffering otherwise. So I've come up with a list of things which, at first sight might look like a good present, but with hindsight are not.

Red roses. This has been the number 1 present for lovers since centuries. But, besides being very expensive, your lady-love could well be allergic to flowers. The result will be that instead of thanking you she quickly reaches for the inhaler gasping for breath, not gasping out of admiration.

Chocolate. When you meet someone who has a wonderful figure, you'll want to preserve that for the future. By giving chocolate you might start a dangerous trend and end up with a chocoholic. Gyms cost a fortune per year, so in the future you will save yourself quite a bit by not starting this addiction. Lettuce costs a fraction of the price of chocolate and nicely wrapped will have the recipient looking at you with adoring eyes.

A photo of yourself. Unless you are very sure you are adorable, this might be a bad present. Especially framed with glass in front of the photo. When you are absent, your lover might kiss the glass, which is the least to say, very unhygienic, and if you break up, this will be the first thing smashed. If you insist on giving a photo, give one with a picture of somebody else.

Jewelry. Unless it's a wedding ring, this might be a waste of money. Because, if you break up, this will be kept. Anything over $2 is not advisable.

Kitchen appliances. If you are not living together, and have no inclination to do so for now, this could well be interpreted as a sure sign to set up a household together. It is also a sign that the recipient will be expected to do all the housework, and this might not be taken kindly.

Clothes. Giving the other clothes could well be seen as if he/she is a bad dresser. Wait at least 10 years with this.

Perfume,soaps,aftershaves and deodorants. Any of these four gifts will suggest that your lover smells. If you want to keep him/her it is better to have a lover who smells like a skunk than try and cover these earthy fragrances like sweat, up. Let nature do its thing. Or break up, and find someone who takes daily showers.

Dinner. I don't want to say that all dinners in restaurants are bad for love. But there are some dishes that are to be avoided at all cost. Spaghetti is one of them, for the simple reason that putting those long strands of pasta, covered in tomato sauce, through your front teeth is not a sight you want your lover to see. Chicken on the bone is another one. Chicken can be consumed using your fingers, but the fat dripping from a cooked chicken wing on your hands looks gross.
And later on your lover will remember that fat while you touch her/his face and hair.

Furniture: Since that new couch might serve several purposes once purchased, these activities cannot be tested properly in the shop, unless you want to be thrown off the premises by the Manager.

According to this list there's not a lot you can actually buy your lover, so you have to find a way to say "I love you". But then, when you are truly in love, staying at home, snuggled up on the old worn couch, smelling like an otter, nibbling on lettuce and looking like a vagrant doesn't matter. Or does it?