Indonesia's Tight Pants Ban: Some Advice from a Thinker

According to Yahoo! News, government leaders in Indonesia's Aceh province are enacting a ban on tight pants worn by Muslim women. Authorities are detaining women who dress "inappropriately," giving them ankle-length skirts, and confiscating the offending pants.

In addition to this aspect of the effort, merchants are no longer allowed to sell, or even promote tight pants, to Muslim women. StyleList.com reports that these lovely "Men of Allah" are even going so far as to actually provide long skirts for free to the ladies whose pants are taken.

Seems like a lot of effort and expense to endure for a government to control and subvert "their women." So, as a man who's been privileged to befriend several Muslim folks, I'd like to offer the Indonesian government some tips to make this easier, and more cost effective:

Indonesia's Tight Pants Ban: Some Advice From A Thinker-Tip Number One

Big boulders are cheaper.

An effort to train women how to dress, and how to think, will be difficult and expensive at best. Rather than investing all those man-hours for enforcement, giving away thousands and thousands of ankle-length skirts in lieu of tight pants, and harassing all of those tax-paying merchants for selling tight pants, why not just crush their skulls with big boulders in a pit? Yes, stone them for defying Allah and wearing tight pants in such a holy land. (Everybody must get stoned. Ask Mr Zimmerman.)

It's a simple matter of the numbers. Labor costs alone for law enforcement to fight the evil of tight pants must add up to several dollars a week, the skirts themselves must add up to a few bucks too (fortunately, they're made in Indonesia...just like everything in American Wal-Marts), and then the lost sales tax revenue must be considered.

All of those things add up to money spent, but a boulder is not only free, they're re-usable! This way Indonesia's wack-job - oops I mean faithful - leaders keep more of those funds for themselves, the murders - oops I mean - enforcement of Allah's wishes to prevent such "unclean" women from wearing tight pants, could be marketed as a pay-per-view event for the pleasure of other wack-jobs, in other wack-job countries to bring in revenue.

A blood-soaked boulder would also make a highly collectible souvenir to zealous Muslim travelers visiting your country. The possibilities are really endless here, friends.

Indonesia's Tight Pants Ban: Some Advice From A Thinker-Tip Number Two

Fear is the greatest motivator. Nothing's scarier than a life of torture.

Some of these women of Indonesia will not be deterred by threats of imprisonment, or even death, in their stubborn quest for personal independence and the right to wear tight pants. So, there might be some value in threatening them with, what may be the cruelest form of terror possible - a life of torture. Hey, it's all in the name of Allah, right? If putting a "mere woman" through a life of hell on earth might help establish the religion of no art, music, love, freedom, or happiness, then you might need to consider it. No, really. Mere death might be a welcome option, as opposed to living in such an ass-backwards world controlled by dirty bearded idiots.

Not only will this tool be useful for intimidation and forced obedience in Indonesia, Sharia law enforcement agencies might save some scratch by regarding it as vacation time for your agents of death - oops - I mean faithful servants of Allah. There's even the possibility of more revenue from a website for the sickos of the world. Think about it: $50 a month times half a billion devoted followers...well...you do the math if you can. Is math allowed in Islam? The author is only asking since, it appears Islamic leadership is incapable of determining what's precious, and what isn't.

After the torture has begun, then you'll also get to enjoy murdering them in a pit for putting impure thoughts "in your head", because of the resultant obscenities screamed from the pain of torture. I'm not seeing where Muslim Indonesia can lose with this approach. Just because such abuse is sickening to the rest of the world doesn't necessarily mean your religious leaders won't enjoy it.

Indonesia's Tight Pants Ban: Some Advice From A Thinker-Tip Number Three

Murder everyone, in the name of Allah and in cold blood, who doesn't agree with your version of religion.

Eventually, even with Islamic leaders' best efforts to stifle life, love, freedom, and beauty, some folks will still resist you. You'll have to kill us all. We will simply not go along with your plan. The voices in our heads, disagree with the voices in your heads, so your only option will be to wipe us all out...if you can. It shouldn't be too difficult, seeing as how big y'all are for constantly picking on women all these years.

Otherwise, the Muslim leadership of Indonesia is just showing how blind and foolish they are, with a ban on tight pants.

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