Infidelity: The Source of Divorce

It doesn't happen overnight, and it certainly doesn't happen to everyone. But the fact remains that the divorce rate is at the 50% mark with most marriages ending close to or before the five year mark. Those are staggering numbers. No one goes into a relationship or marriage with the intention that it will fail. In fact, it is safe to bet that close to 100% of those that stand at the alter actually mean it when they say "till death do us part" and not "till the 5 year mark hits, then we will re-evaluate". There are a variety of reasons alleged by women and men alike as to why divorce occurs. One of the most common causes of divorce right now is infidelity. While men are more often than not the culprits, infidelity is the source of divorce for both men AND women. The famous Kinsey report published in the 1950's, reported that 60% of men were unfaithful to their spouses before they reached the age of 40. Alternatively, 30% of women stated the same. So what are the differences? Is there a reason why more men cheat than women? Is there a reason why women cheat at all? This article will explore both sides of infidelity.

Men: What They See is What They Want

One clear and present gender dichotomy is the visual differences between men and women. Men are simply more fed by visual cues. If a woman can put a visual cue into her man's head, it will be very easy to turn him on. However, very often it is society and the media that beats her to the punch. We have all heard the expression "Sex Sells". Who is the largest demographic that advertisers are targeting? Men. It is they who respond to sexually targeted images and advertising. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, Playboy Movie Channel, Penthouse Magazine, or even something as innocent as the Victoria's Secret Catalogue can turn a man on faster than you can say bikini. For the men reading this article, just seeing the word bikini may be enough to put a visual fantasy in their heads enough to turn them on. Simply put, men get turned on much faster than women do when it comes to what they see. It is all in suggestibility. When a man SEES something he considers sexy, it offers him a suggestion that is very difficult to refuse.

In this day and age, the Internet is also a key player. Sex is rampant on the Internet, and it is easy to get and cheap to buy, if not free for the taking all together. If a man needs a quick fix, he just needs to log on and tune up. When he needs or wants that visual stimulation, it is very easy to obtain, and again, almost impossible to resist. When those visual cues are backed by real people connecting back, the temptation becomes even more intense and the threat to the relationship becomes an afterthought. If the enticement is staring him right in the face, that is his first and foremost priority, and rarely do consequences come into play.

The phone sex industry is a multi-billion dollar industry and again the key demographic is men. Rarely do you find women soliciting sex through a pay by the minute method. Even if you did find one seeking this out, she would have a very difficult time finding a phone sex channel to meet her needs. Here in this industry you have women trained and very skilled in the art of turning men on and meeting their needs. Men, married or single, turn to these methods for a quick fix. It costs a few bucks, and instantly their physical needs are met, and their egos are gratified at the same time. If they are stuck in a relationship where either one of these things is missing, this will only fuel the fire for a man to seek these things in a real life affair.

The bottom line here is for men, what they see is what they want. They think with their eyes and below the belt. That is not to say they do not suffer the consequences of infidelity, they just don't think of them until it is very often too late.

Women: Sentiment Seekers

Ultimately, women tend to seek emotional stability and connectiveness from their mates before they pursue the physical aspect. This goes for women that are dating and looking to settle down, as well as for those already married or in a long term relationship. Women want and expect to be able to connect to their mates and it is what they look for when seeking out relationships with the opposite sex. When a woman is married, she expects this from her husband. She wants to know she is the most beautiful woman in the room to him no matter where they are. She wants to know that he can tell her anything without judgment. She wants to know that no matter how stressed or tired either of them might be, sex with her is the most amazing thing in the world to him. She does not just want to know these things; it is a requirement for her to feel alive in the relationship. When these things start to "go", so does her connectivity to the relationship.

Unfortunately, not all women are built to look like supermodels in the lingerie catalogue, so the visual cues that men require first and foremost become stagnant to him. Furthermore, when work and mortgage pressures and children are thrown into the mix, dealing with these daily life happenings takes a forerunner to emotional connectivity. Simply put, stress and fatigue take priority to relationship excitement. Men forget to compliment their wives, or thank her for dinner; and women begin the resentment cycle. While she may not be specifically looking for someone to replace him, any single person that shows her a hint of attention is going to become a priority to her over her mate.

The woman that cheats is doing so as a last resort, and may not even know she is doing it until the physical factor settles in. At this point she has tried everything to get her husband or mate's attention, but her complaints have fallen on deaf ears. He is too busy waiting for her to lose the weight and tie on a bikini. The man she finds more appealing, is the one that is going to give that attention she craves and needs; is going to provide himself as a confidante and connection; and is going to be incredibly romantic to boot - particularly if he is aware that he is competing for her attention.

What Happens Now?

Infidelity then becomes the source for divorce. When a woman cheats in a relationship, the chances of that being a permanent stray are pretty good. She has moved on to someone else both emotionally and physically and she simply wants that man over her husband. When a man cheats, divorce is a common consequence more because his wife wants it than he does. He has already received the instant gratification he was looking for, but his wife can not cope with knowing her ultimate hero found comfort somewhere else. Women that are dating married men are often counseled by their girlfriends that "he'll never leave her" and the truth is they are probably right whereas women WILL leave their husband if the man she has attached herself to in infidelity is meeting the needs she left for in the first place. There is no side that is better than the other. Infidelity is infidelity. And today, it is one of the leading causes of the staggering divorce rate. Perhaps knowing a few of the reasons behind that will help you prevent it from affecting your relationship.