Inseminoid: Spare Yourself Time, Money; Don't See It

Released in Britain in 1981, Inseminoid was re-released in the U.S. as Horror Planet. It's the story of a small group of scientists working on a dead planet. After accidentally stumbling upon a chamber full of strange crystals, the group finds themselves the target of alien malevolence. One by one, the crew is killed off as they attempt to fend off their aggressor.

The movie opens up to find a small group of archaeologists working a dig on a distant planet. Their goal is to discover why a seemingly advanced culture had completely disappeared. While digging in an old tomb, two team members find their way into a concealed room filled with odd crystals. An unexpected explosion hurts the two members, sending one into a coma. Subsequently, the mission chief labels the chamber temporarily off limits, at least until they can figure out what caused the explosion.

Soon, the group notices that anyone entering the tomb begins to act strangely. One team member, her foot trapped by some boards, decides to sever her leg in an attempt to free herself, resulting in death. The comatose man awakens and immediately tries to get back into the tomb. He then starts attacking his crew-mates and they're forced to kill him. Things then go from bad to worse, as we learn that an alien has torn apart one crew-member and abducted a female scientist, Sandy. The unknown life form rapes her and disappears.

An examination by the crew's medical officer shows that Sandy is somehow two months pregnant. Changes begin to manifest themselves in Sandy, as she becomes incredibly strong and violent. She soon goes on a rampage; killing and eating most of the crew until only for members remain. This is where most of the film spends it time as we watch crew-members and their vain attempts to stop Sandy. Trapped in the Operations Center, the four survivors are unaware that the rampaging Sandy has now given birth to two alien offspring. We eventually have her boyfriend, Mark, strangling her with a cord, but alas, he then dies at the hands of the alien infants.

The next scene shows the arrival of a rescue crew. This new group finds only mutilated and half-eaten corpses scattered about the dig site. Without bothering to do much in the way of investigating, the rescuers simply pack up and leave. Unbeknownst to the would-be rescuers, the two alien offspring have hidden themselves inside of the cargo crates and are now on their ship. Thus, this film ends in a "guess-what-happens-next" mood.

The film's props, costumes and backdrop are woefully inadequate. Actually, they're shameful. The scenery looks as though it was found in a salvage yard or a used appliance store. Backdrops seem to consist mainly of crates, barrels and metal gangways, shown over and over again. We're treated to grenades that bear a striking resemblance to red golf balls, as well. As for costumes, lets just say that I was surprised to see scientists in the distant future still wearing Jordache jeans. I won't even bother getting into the plausibility of working on an oxygen-free planet without out any visible means of life support.

The acting wasn't much better than the backdrops or props. Characters were flat and the lack of talent was highly evident. One has to wonder if a script was even written for this dog. If it was, the writers should be ashamed of themselves, since the dialogue was lame and contrite. I won't bother mentioning the names of any of the actors, since none of them have done better than a few bit parts in some equally bad films. I can only hope that director Norman J. Warren has learned some valuable lessons from making this film.

The worst part about this whole fiasco is the plot. Released less than two years after the blockbuster hit, Alien, it's painfully obvious where Shaw came up with the idea for Inseminoid. From beginning to end, this film seems to be lifted right from the set of Alien, except for the poor acting, terrible props and painfully inadequate budget. How they weren't sued for copyright infringement is beyond me.

In the end, I couldn't recommend this film to even the most die-hard sci-fi fan. Even those folks that enjoy bad movies will find this one too hard to take. Don't rent this film at the store. Don't let anyone lend this movie to you. Just thank your lucky stars there are people out there who will review these kinds of movies so you don't have to watch them.