Instead of Demanding that Your Children, "Stop the Bickering"….Use It!

In her recent article at Associated Content, Nanjowe shares a powerful message about how parents can actually use sibling rivalry. It is called, "How Parents Can Use Sibling Rivalry to Their Advantage" and can be found at http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/13258/how_parents_can_use_sibling_rivalry_to_Their_Advantage.html

The teenage years can be a real trial, not only to parents, but also to their offspring. As parents, we often spend all of our energy just managing to get through another day of trying to solve the never ending bickering, tattling, self-centeredness, jealousy, lying, and any of a number of other things calculated to bring us to our wits' end; assuming that we have any wits left by the end of the day.

When I have faced these problems with my children, the only solution I wanted was to end all of it once and for all. Of course, all of you who have ever had a teenager in your home know that such a thing is impossible, or would be pretty miraculous if it did occur. Nanjowe is aware of that and, instead of futile attempts to merely stop the behavior, has figured out how to use the behavior to teach her children "life lessons."

Life lessons are the things most parents hope their children will absorb somewhere along the way, but which, unfortunately are sometimes never learned at all. By setting down the life lessons she wishes for her children to learn, she can use whatever comes along to teach and reinforce these things. I suspect that her children will be far better prepared to meet the challenges of adulthood than the average child who is not deliberately guided in this way.

The specific life lessons Nanjowe chose to foster through occurrences of sibling rivalry were: handling relationships: resolving conflicts; understanding emotions; each person's place in the family; and learning to be a team player.

The author thinks children should have a harmonious relationship with others and points out ways to help them realize that learning to get along with others, including or beginning with one's siblings is extremely important. People do have different personalities, but that doesn't mean they are always wrong and we are always right.

According to Nanjowe, resolving conflicts is one of the most difficult things to do. The parent cannot take sides, but should not just leave the kids alone to "duke it out." Caring parents will remain available to offer suggestions and perhaps guide the discussion, but not to arbitrarily resolve the conflict themselves.

It is really easy to just write off out-of-control emotions as a stage the child is going through, but we, as parents need to help children understand why they are reacting in anger, or by crying, pouting, or whining.

Some children really don't know how they fit into the family. Just telling a child he can't do something because he isn't old enough may cause more resentment than he already feels, especially if an older sibling is allowed to do whatever it is he is begging to do. He needs to learn the structure of families - how each person gets certain privileges at certain times. His or her time will come.

Some of us sign our kids up for a baseball team and expect the coach to teach our children everything there is to know about being a good team player. Learning to work as a team is even more important in the home and in everyday life. If your child never develops that skill, they are going to face a lot of problems later on. Having your children work together toward a common goal will help them learn that skill.

After Nanjowe shares the life lessons she feels each child should be taught, she takes time to caution us about one of the biggest jobs a parent can face; that of setting a good example for our kids. My father used to tell us that we were to do as he told us to do. It didn't matter whether he followed the rules or not. It's pretty hard for children to see getting along with siblings as a desirable thing if the parents are constantly arguing in front of them. Nanjowe sees the example parents set as a definite part of the huge job it is to successfully raise children.

Take a look at the article and see if it doesn't make a lot of sense. Most of us would benefit from not being satisfied just to "get through another day" and would like to feel that we can contribute more than just food, shelter, and clothing. Even an uncaring, abusive parent can do that.