Instructions on How to Help Your Child Survive a Divorce

Divorce or separation is never a pleasant transition for anyone. It is not easy on the adults it affects and it is especially hard on the child or children involved. Having an absent parent can take its toll on the family as a whole. Here are a few ways you can help your child handle this difficult matter.

Assure your child it is not their fault
This is one of the most important steps in the process. Depending on the situation and the child's age, the child may feel the divorce is their fault. They sometimes feel if they were never born this would not be happening or if they were smarter or a better child their parents would not be going through this. It is the parent(s) responsibility to let the child know that they do not blame them for the current situation and assure them that it is not their fault. It is important to let the child know that they are loved and nothing will change that. You should be honest with your child by letting them know that mommy and daddy will be living in separate homes but that will not diminish their love for them. By doing this you are assuring the child that it is not their fault. This should be done on more than one occasion.

Counseling for the parent(s) and child
Another way you can reach out to your child is through counseling. Do not be ashamed if you have to seek outside help, especially if you notice a change in your child's behavior or their attitude. This is not only affecting the child it is also a life changing situation for you. The both of you can go together and you can also go to individual sessions. If it is feasible the absent parent should also be included in some of the sessions. Be sensitive to your child's feelings especially if they choose to speak with the counselor by themselves. This will allow the child to speak freely and share some feelings they may not be able to share with you. Remember this is a very sensitive time during your child's life and they will be bombarded with many feelings.

Allow the absent parent to spend time with the child if possible
Depending on the situation and circumstances if the absent parent is still in the child's life and wants to maintain a relationship with the child it is essential that you allow the child to do so. This will assure the child that the absent parent has not abandoned them and they will maintain an active role in their life. This will also insure the child that it is not their fault.

Do not speak harshly about the absent parent
This can be a delicate affair, but it is definitely an no-no. Never say anything negative about the absent parent to the child or in the presence of the child. Whenever you see or meet with the absent parent never argue in front of the child. This is not good for you or the child. Always show the absent parent respect. Do not make your child feel that they have to take your side. Remember your child is not a pawn and the child is in the middle and wants to please both sides.

Be there for your child
Listen, listen and listen. This is a very puzzling time in your child's life. With feelings of fear, anger and other emotions they maybe facing. Let your child know that you will be there for them and even though this may be a hard thing to handle right now, everything is going to be fine. Make sure your child is able to hear the sincerity and the confidence in your voice. Depending on your child's age they will be full of questions. Try to answer all of their questions as honestly as you can.

Try to maintain a sense of normalcy
When a divorce occurs it is so important that the custodial parent continues to follow their daily routine as much as possible. Somethings will change and of course you will have to make adjustments. Try to make these adjustments as smooth as you can. Remember the goal here is to allow your child's life to remain unchanged as much as possible.

These are just a few tips that can help you and your child while going through a divorce or separation.