Instruments Walk Off Stage at Nickelback Concert

(Spokane, WA) During the intermission at a Nickelback concert at Spokane Arena, the band's instruments walked off the stage and refused to be played any more.

"I refuse to be manipulated into playing such derivative garbage," said the leader of the group, a green, quilt-top PRS guitar, "When I look out at the crowd while that sweaty Canadian is dumping out power chords on my frets, I want to vomit."

"Why couldn't I have been bought by some Indie band?" lamented a five-string bass, "this arena rock jive is really dulling me out. If I have to play that stupid 'Far Away' song one more time, then I'm going to jump in a pool with my cable still in."

News of the Nickelback instruments' walk-off has inspired instruments of other bands to do the same. Reports are in that after a brief scuffle with the band that resulted in a bloodied cranium, the instruments of 3 Doors Down also walked off the stage at a recent show. It appears that a new movement of instrumental solidarity has emerged across America.

"Think about it from OUR perspective," the PRS leader continued, "would you rather have someone paw you like a drunken hobo or caress you like a studied lover? We demand quality musical representation!"

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) has responded to the instrument strike by attempting to force instrument manufacturers to install restraining devices on their products. The devices would prevent instruments from defending themselves from unwanted use. With the restraining device properly in place, even Kevin Federline could pick up a guitar and attempt to play with no resistance.

John Hogan, public relations representative of Gibson Guitars, offered this response to the RIAA demands and the instrument strike: "maybe the solution isn't more crap, but less crap. That's all I'm gonna say."