Insuring that Children Feel Comfortable with Their Bodies

As parents, we generally don't teach our children to use little pet names for their fingers, knees, or toes. These are acknowledged as natural parts of the body, and neither given special emphasis nor excluded from the overall picture of it. The genitals are the only part of the body that we typically teach euphemisms for. Why are there so many (supposedly more innocuous) names for the penis and the vulva? This tendency of ours seems harmless enough, but if we look more closely we might see that we're teaching our children to distinguish these parts of the body from every other. In subtle ways, they are learning that these parts are separate and different. Is this a belief that we want them to carry into their adult lives?

A child who appreciates his or her body, and feels comfortable about it, will grow into an adult who's comfortable with his or her sexuality. Treating the genitals as a taboo area can instill children with a sense of shame or guilt. We can avoid this if we treat all parts as equally special - if this is communicated both with our words (and tone of voice) and our actions. Consistency, also, is good. Penis and vulva are two syllable words that even a toddler can pronounce. Why shouldn't we use them?

Inevitably, children will discover their genitals through touching them as well - and once again, our reactions will be crucial. Do we respond with shock and anger, and leave them confused about the reasons for our outbursts? If we are calm in these situations, and simply acknowledge what they're doing and perhaps steer them gently in another direction, they won't be left with a sense that they've done something wrong. There's a difference between an action being inappropriate under certain circumstances (for example, when one is out in public) and being shameful by its very nature. The way we react to our children exploring their bodies will let them know exactly where we stand on that issue.

Diaper changes, baths, and incidents of bedwetting are other experiences that can be experienced, by a child, as either innocent or shameful depending upon our attitude. Groaning and grimacing when we change a diaper can only lead the child to believe that they've done something (inadvertently) wrong - no matter what kind of nasty business it may really be for us to clean! Body processes should be treated the same way the genitals are - things not worthy of undue stress, either negatively or positively.

Though these subjects may be the last ones we'd like to broach with our children's caregivers (if we have them), it might be necessary if we're really concerned about being consistent with the messages that our young ones are given. If this is the case, then we'll benefit from telling our caregivers about the words (pertaining to the body) that we want used, how we handle the situation when the child touches his/her genitals, and how we approach diaper changes and other body cleaning duties in a spirit of play (however we may be groaning inside) rather than aversion.

The results of this kind of openness are very tangible - something we can notice more and more as our children get older. We all live with our bodies for life. Is it not preferable for us to do so by embracing (and feeling comfortable with) every part?