Internet Bullying: When Parents Become the Bullies

Like many in the world, I read of the suicide of Megan Meier with much sadness. This beautiful 13 year-old girl turned to MySpace in an effort to connect with children her own age. She began a friendship with a boy named "Josh" who was the fictional construct of a neighbor's mother. The mother, posing as a teenaged boy, gained Megan's confidence and then made her life a living hell. Megan ended her life as a result of this woman's actions, the actions of this woman's employee and the woman's daughter.

Online bullying is a very real issue. We are, after all, only words on a screen in the great expanse that is the cyber world. Some of us use this anonymity to harass, stalk and harm others. People gain courage they wouldn't have in real life when they are sitting behind a keyboard. Words we would never utter in a person to person confrontation fly from our fingers when we're angered Online. Who among us would tell a child that that the world would be better off without them? Most of us wouldn't even dream of saying such a thing. That's exactly what Megan's tormentor said.

A child may utter such a thing to another child in a moment of anger. Children sometimes do say awful things to each other. But, when an adult says such things to an emotionally fragile child, tragedy is just around the corner. What began as a childhood spat no less normal than those had by most of us in our youth, ended in tragedy. This spat took a turn past normal when an adult who has, one would assume, the common sense not to participate in childhood arguments chose to involve herself in a very sinister way.

The woman in question claims that she started the now infamous MySpace account to find out what Megan was saying about her daughter. Why she chose to give the password to other people and why she chose to enlist at least one employee's help in this charade remains to be seen. Why she didn't choose to contact Megan's parents regarding the spat is still an unanswered question as well. Instead, she chose to bully a child. As an adult, one would think this woman would know better. Obviously, she didn't.

It's horrible enough when our children bully one another. As parents, we have the responsibility to stop our children from participating in bullying. We should not turn a blind eye or play the "not my kid" game when it is brought to our attention. We should never, no matter the circumstances, take an active role in bullying a child. We should know better, we are adults. Adults should show restraint and a modicum of common sense in situations like this one. Our reaction, as mature members of society, should be to help iron out the problem. Instead, some of us choose to jump right in to the middle of it making it much worse.

We all, presumably, want what is best for our children. Why some adults choose to cross the line between protective parent and aggressor is a mystery to me. If the neighbor kid hits my kid, I am not within my rights to strike that child back and then claim I was protecting my child. That is not a reasonable reaction to any confrontation between children. Children argue and bully and fight, it's out job to put a stop to it the moment we as parents become aware of a problem. It is not our job to make the situation worse by doing whatever we can to keep the tension brewing.

Growing up, almost all of us probably encountered a parent who was just as bad as their child. There have always been parents who encourage some horrible behavior in their children. There have also always been parents who can not seem to fathom that their child is capable of doing anything wrong. Those parents seemed to be few and far between when I was growing up. Now, they seem to be more plentiful. It's our job to nip bad behavior in the bud, not to encourage it or pretend it is not happening. All children are capable of misbehaving; there is no exception to that.

These things used to happen at the local playground or over backyard fences. Now, we have this wonderful tool called the Internet. Parents and children alike are taking their hostilities to the masses via websites, social networking sites and video sites. What was once a neighborhood problem has turned in to a world-wide problem. The crowds these disputes cause are much larger now due to the speed of information. Some choose to add fuel to the fire by behaving as trolls. We now hide behind our monitors thinking we are safe from any consequences when we spread rumors or make threats online. Take a look at any site where comments are allowed. My bet is you'll find insults and on occasion death threats posted by people who think they can't be tracked down. Our school yard bullies have turned into cyber-bullies. Way to go human race.

In Megan's case, the bullies were discovered. Many among us reacted with shock and disgust when it was revealed that Megan's tormentor was an adult. Not just any adult, mind you, the mother of a former friend. It is vile and disgusting that any adult would participate in bullying a child. It is beyond vile that an adult would be the one to initiate the bullying in the first place. We know that our actions cause consequences. In this case, those actions lead to a girl's death.

Is this the example we want to set for our children? Do we really want to raise a generation of kids who live by the motto "don't get mad, get even?" Your words and your actions Online can be traced. Your anonymous actions can have consequences whether you see them or not. There is never an appropriate time to bully a child or an adult for that matter. The Internet is no exception. We are not meant to be best buddies with out kids, we are meant to guide them and show them right from wrong. We can have a great relationship with our kids without letting them run amok. It's too bad a certain mother did think so.

Megan's story is one of many. Adults and children are too often the target of ire Online. Others have ended their lives as a result of such bullying. Those responsible should be ashamed. Their threats, vicious attacks and rumors are leaving a body count. This may not be a problem of epic proportions, but it is a problem. It is a tragedy waiting to happen and it can touch the lives of any of us.

Be responsible. Think before you fire off some nasty diatribe on somebody's blog. Don't make threats or post rumors about other people. If you're an adult, act like one. Don't participate in bullying Online or off. Make sure your kids know better too. Pull the plug on MySpace and Facebook and other sites if you have to. Your kids need you to be the voice of reason. The online world is such a huge place, we should all do our part to make it just a tiny bit better. I'm sure Megan and those like her would appreciate that effort even if it comes too late to save them.