Internet Dating is a Numbers Game

Internet dating is a numbers game. Sure, the same can be said of regular, old fashioned dating as well. Like the saying goes, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." Still, if you're wading through the online dating swamp that is the internet, you may find yourself encountering a greater number of the warty-beasts before finding your prince charming.

This is not meant to be an indictment of internet dating sites. Not at all. For better or for worse, those same men (and women) advertising their availability on line are, of course, also out in the real world, too. It's just that rather than meeting a single, available date here and another there over the course of many months or years, online dating sites provide you with hundreds, even thousands of toads ... er ... singles who are desperately seeking Susan, or Sally or John or Steve. And with no direct exposure before you decide to go out like you have in the real world, your only real access to information is the little bit revealed in your potential love interest's profile.

This condensed conglomeration of the lovelorn gives you greater opportunity to find your love sooner, if you're willing to put in the effort to start hopping around those many lily pads looking for your prince or princess. But it also gives you greater chance for warts ... and take that as you may. So learning the ropes, realizing that online dating is a numbers game and knowing what to expect can make internet dating a positive and useful approach to finding your soulmate, rather than a painful experiment in disappointment.

Learn not to expect too much out of online dating site profiles.

Internet dating site profiles are great for giving you a rough feel for a potential date and to look at some broad areas of connection. For instance, you may learn a potential date has similar religious or political beliefs. You may find someone with similar hobbies or interest in sports or cars or travel. You may find some profile essays engaging or charming or funny or somehow appealing to you on some deeper level.

Still all of this simply helps to narrow down your search to someone of potential interest. Don't expect that because someone says they are the same religion or that they love the outdoors or that family is important to them, that that means they see or handle or enjoy any of these things the same way that you do or that you will even enjoy their company. It's a start, and perhaps enough reason, by virtue of the process of elimination of others with no such similarities, to exchange a few emails, chat on the phone and, then, perhaps even meet. But it's no reason to jump up and down and believe you've found "the one". Profiles on online dating websites are but a tiny snapshot of a person, an introduction that might help you find someone appealing to meet. Relationship, love and commitment will naturally take much, much more. So be prepared to read a lot of profiles and to meet a lot of interesting but not-quite-right toads. Don't despair - Just enjoy the process.

Learn not to expect too much out of early emails and phone calls.

It's easy to get caught up in the emotion of those early contacts. Both parties are naturally on their best, most charming and agreeable behavior. You know you're both looking for a relationship. You know, from his or her online dating profile that he or she meets some of your most cherished criteria. So those early communications can seem so encouraging, so hopeful ... You can even think you're falling in love!

But try to keep those emotions in check. Profiles, emails and even phone calls are nice and give you some information, but there is no substitute for meeting in person, watching each other move and talk and gesture, seeing how he treats the waitress and how she deals with your opening her door. There is no online substitute for spending time together, in different situations over a decent period of time. No detailed 90 minute questionnaire can substitute for getting to know each other as real, flesh and blood people.

So read the profile, exchange a few emails, a phone call or two and then meet somewhere safe and laid back. Date again if you both feel you're interested and then both of you get off the internet dating site and try your relationship like regular people in the real world if the potential is there. Internet dating sites are only a way to find available singles, NOT a way to determine if you are right for each other. Only time together - and without the distraction of the smorgasbord of back up dates on the internet dating site - can tell you that.

Learn that it's okay that online dating is a numbers game.

If you think about it, without online dating sites, people would generally meet through work or school or somehow in their everyday walk. Most would get to know someone in that context, developing a bit of a friendship and getting to know quite a lot about them long before even considering them as a date. By the time people went out, then, they already were used to each other's mannerisms, they knew a little about their humor, their personality, even possibly their beliefs, and they knew that they enjoyed each other's company and wanted to spend time with them.

With internet dating, however, none of that foreknowledge is there. We have nothing to go on except the profile and those first few communications. So don't be surprised or disappointed that many ... no, most ... dates will lead no where. That's not only okay, it is to be expected. It doesn't mean you are undesirable or that your date was a loser. It only means it takes going through greater numbers when you are starting with so little real information about your potential love interest.

This is why internet dating is a numbers game. It simply has to be. Some may get lucky and find their prince or princess early in the process, but for most it will just take patience and persistence to sort through the toads. In the meantime, keep your emotions and your physical desires at bay until a real and lasting relationship can be established, knowing that internet dating is truly a numbers game, but your love is out there ... somewhere.