Internet Dating: True Love or a Serial Killer?

So you think you have met someone worth dating online? So it seems. What a wonderful tale she has told you about herself. She seems sweet, innocent and rolled up in whip cream and powdered sugar.

She has emailed you hot photos of herself. I mean they are really HOT! She seems too good to be true--and, it is not like you met her through a mutual friend who can give you the true 411 on her.

You know how people are on the Internet. There are a lot of fakes and weirdoes and posers. But you never know. This time she could be the real deal.

Like you, I met such a woman online. She admitted to having a secret, though. One that she did not feel comfortable talking about until she got to know me better. I wondered what it could be--her secret.

Could she have some sexually transmitted disease? Lord I have run from a few of those in my past. Perhaps she was once a man or still is a man, anatomically speaking. I met someone like that on a blind date once. I didn't run; I grew wings and flew the f**k away!

Perhaps her photos are not really her. Perhaps she's married. Perhaps she has a wart on her nose...perhaps...perhaps.. What was her deep dark secret?

I confess that I had one of my own. Like her, I put my best foot forward, but told her I would reveal my secret when the time was right, when we knew each other better, during a special quiet moment after a candlelit dinner and a glass of wine.

How would I break it to her?

The news media and the police where I live labeled me a serial killer at large. This was so unfair! And completely insane! I am not a murderer! Really...I am a good and decent person deep down. I just have a little fetish, that's all.

You see, I am an S&M practitioner. Unfortunately, the women I have met so far are too frail and delicate to survive my perverted pleasure. I hoped with all my heart that Carmen would be different, but sadly she also seemed so innocent and frail.

Finally, after an indeterminate number of email exchanges, we finally set up a time and place to meet: She invited me to her place for dinner and...dessert... What a perfect setup for a man like me who is a decent person deep down.

I am happy to report that she was even hotter in the flesh! Her photos did not do her justice! Her surreal blue eyes peered through a few hairs that strayed from the auburn main that lightly brushed her creamy-white shoulders.

She stared into my soul. She ran the tip of her tongue across her moist lips. She pressed up against me as we sat on her sofa. I felt her nipples grow hard beneath her blouse as they brushed against my silk shirt.

We both knew it was time--time to share our secrets.

I so much wanted to reveal my true self to her, but I was afraid she would laugh or be frightened like all the rest. I wanted to express the agony and loneliness I had experienced for so many centuries.

I wanted to tell her about my date with the transvestite--how I freaked out and literally turned into a bat and flew away! I thought she would be amused. I wanted to sink my teeth into her sensuous, long soft, creamy neck--but I was the gentleman. I let her go first.

I dreaded what she was about to tell me about herself. Please don't tell me you have a penis, I desperately thought.

With a fervent stare, she gently grabbed my head and pulled me closer. I could feel her manicured nails teasing the locks of my hair. She rolled her eyes into the back of her head so I only saw the whites of them. "I think I'll show you rather than tell you my secret, lover."

Her lips parted to reveal her secret--her fangs. My heart raced with excitement as I felt my blood rush to my neck. At last! I have found my eternal love! She will be as thrilled as I when I tell her my secret is the same as hers: that I too am a vampire!

"Oh I just love passive mortal men," she beamed. "OK, it is your turn, lover. What is your big secret?"

"My secret? Oh...uh...nothing. I was just pulling your leg..."