Internet Relationships

My 'internet relationships' started around 1994 when my teenage daughter suggested to me that, "you might like it here mum. There's lots of interesting people to talk to".
The thought that immediately flashed through my mind was, "Why on Earth would I want to sit in front of a computer talking to strangers"?
I was already managing to spend several hours at a time sitting in front of a computer doing teaching admin' type things, writing teaching programs and writing a few unfinished books.
She kept trying to persuade me and I think her persuasive tactics lasted for about a week before I finally succumbed one Friday evening. She put in front of a surprisingly long list of IRC (Internet Relay Chat) channels and I chose one called "40Plus".

I think I was 'hooked' within an hour. I chose the nickname of Mortisha and I was 'off and running'.
From memory I stayed up the whole night. Needless to say I was hooked and spent hours talking to interesting strangers. I very soon had an internet love affair happening. He lived only a few miles away. We are still friends and he is considered to be an integral member of my family.
It was strange meeting him in a Coffee Shop for the first time. I was, of course wary but he didn't have horns nor did he blow fire every time he spoke.
We became an 'item' in the 40Plus chat-room. And there were many affairs going on in there. In fact one of my sisters met her husband in there and now, more than a decade later they are still married and, I think will remain so.
My own daughter also met her husband in an internet chat room.
And another, more wayward sister has had a string of husbands she met on the internet.

I think that, these days many long lasting relationships are borne of the internet and that as such it is a viable way to meet people. It has become yet another item in the 'drop down menu' of options for meeting people.
A close friend of mine who later married my brother and then became one of his ex wives 'flew the coup' of her teaching life to set off to go to the USA to meet someone she had never seen in person at a small airport in the out-backs of USA somewhere. That was over a decade ago; they are now married and seem to be living in apparent contentment.
I had a few 'internet flings'. That initial one lasted for nearly a year before I moved on to the next one (as did he). In fact I did meet a couple of very interesting love prospects in the USA but perhaps because of our ages and life networks (career, friends, family) neither of us were prepared to go continent hopping. Though many people I know did, or do so regardless of their age.

Internet relationships have some very interesting aspects.
In the early says all of my family and friends thought I'd gone quite 'round the bend', though invariably they all later followed in my footsteps.
People who have never done so wonder how you can become close, or even intimate with a person who doesn't daily walk through your front door.
In fact that aspect is, to me what gave the internet an edge. I found I could be very close and intimate with someone without them 'being in my face'. I found it possible to delve deep emotional issues from a relatively safe space (my computer as opposed to my front door). I made the most of this and worked through some pretty deep issues with my willing internet friends.
In fact my daughter, when a teenager took on many false identities. She used them for role-playing to play out emotional issues. She pretended to be battered and sexually abused. In fact one evening when she was role playing being a kidnapped victim someone offered to come round to save her. I think she then quickly exited the internet room.

Not too long after the IRC chat other internet dating sites came along. I joined a couple of these and did indeed meet a couple of interesting men. But I sense that, even back in those days I was not particularly strongly interested in the 'husband hunting game'.
Indeed when a friend tried to match me with one of his good friends (who was, as he said lonely) I quickly held up my hands saying, "you'll only shift this arse for passion and adventure". Financial and/or emotional comforts were, and still are not high on my list.
Indeed my edict of 'passion and adventure' has served me well.

But I think I 'did my dash' on the dating sites when I took on the nickname of 'toothless dreaded hag'. I wanted anyone who wanted to meet me to work hard and not be caught up in the vagaries of vanity. Obviously not many of them appreciated my humour or the Rolling Stones and I got very few 'hits'.

I wrote an article about the high profile matching site called E-Harmony, published here. Recently they have been advertising a lot on the TV during adult peak viewing times. Their ads emphasize that theirs is a site with integrity that aims to match people on deep levels. They get their potential clients to answer some quite long-winded personality and values tests giving the impression that really they might be just what they claim to be.
Their analyses of my personality I found to be quite interesting however - for some reason they chose not to disclose they told me that I was in the 2% of people unsuitable for their services. Perhaps they had secret access to my bank balance.
I was mystified for sure. Oh well - yet another minority group I can find myself in I thought to myself quietly.

But beyond dating there is much else to do on the internet that can bring you into contact with others on an intimate level.
I became an internet psychic around 2001. That was a crazy, paranoid, mixed up and highly ruthless sort of world. It is a world I rarely venture into any more. This is fodder for further articles and I have already written a number of articles about this rarified world. However I did find a number of really 'good people'; some of whom became either good friends or clients.
You can read them by clicking here and here.

Even writing on here has found me some new friends.
Facebook introduces another forum for meeting people and I have a number of friends who I met through Facebook with whom I would say we share a deep level of empathy and intimacy.

A couple of years ago I ventured into online genealogical research and have, over time managed to find several long lost cousins. I even managed to find out that I am directly related to King Robert the Bruce of Scotland. He is my 22g grandfather.

My internet clients and friends are those of my friendships who 'do not (at least often) come through my front door'. But I find this does not detract from the depth of relationship; indeed the internet merely adds another, sometimes intimate dimension into the realm of human relationships. My internet friends are a valuable part of my daily landscape.

Keep posted.