Internet Speak

If you are involved in online gaming sites, forums, or find yourself Instant Messaging people with regularity, you are probably a victim of this phenomenon. Phrases like LOL, LMAO, OMG, Hahahahahaha, Doooooood, ROFL, ((((HUGZ)))), and many thousand others run amuck on the Internet. These are an effective way to communicate with friends and family while on your own time, but for professional writing of any kind, these are major mistakes.

The language we use when relaxing on our favorite sites should never, ever find its way to our serious writing. Below I have taken the liberty to compile a short list of things that do fine online, but have no place in our stories or web articles. Imagine the feeling you would get if an editor sent your submission back with a note that reads, "I'm not sure what a `ROFLCOPTER!!`! is, but consider revising" on a rejection slip.

1. Using more than one punctuation mark to emphasize extreme emotion. For instance, asking the question, "OMG what the heck happened to Gina???" is very incorrect usage of punctuation. While it is meant to convey extreme concern for what may or may not have happened to Gina, it is far from necessary, and is the lazy way out. Instead, why not consider "Hey gang, what happened to Gina? I'm very concerned, because I have not seen her in a while!" This is the exact same meaning as the first example, but looks much more professional and respectable. I'm serious!!!!!!!!
2. Using one-word sentences or partial-sentences. We have all spoken to someone who likes to do this to us: "Dude!" [enter] "Did you know that" [enter] "Ronald is" [enter] "GAY????" [enter]. While this is done for effect, and is fine (albeit annoying) for the net, this is in no way acceptable for professional work. Novels and articles are not IMs, and we will do well to remember that! If you... don't believe me... see how... this looks...to you. Thought. So.
3. Never using capital letters. yep, it sure is easier to write like this. but how does it reflect on us? is it possible that it creates bad habits and promotes general laziness in writing? yup. it sure does, dooood. Get into the habit of capitalizing the first letter of sentences, and proper names and places. Not only does it look worlds better, it creates good habits that you won't even need to think about when it comes time to write your paper.
4. Writing like we are text-messaging. It may surprise you to learn that "c u ltr, had a gr8 time, kisses." isn't an actual sentence. In fact, it's bad enough to enter the realm of the ridiculous. If you find yourself regularly doing this in forums, IMs or other venues, I suggest making a concerted effort to stop it. If your writing is to stand out from the crowd in a good way, this type of syntax should be left to Second Life users.
5. Over-usage of sound effects. Describing a sound is almost always much better than simply typing what you feel the sound should be spelled like. Pfffft, for instance, is meant to convey that you either don't care or scoff at the idea. This practice is also fine for the Internet, but if you submit a sentence like "When I heard the cha-ching of the cash register, my skin crawled" to an editor, things are likely not going to end well. The reader knows how a register sounds, there is no need to remind them. "When I heard the register drawer open, my skin crawled" is much stronger real-world writing, because you are allowing the reader to fill in their own register sound, which in fact could be a completely different sound from the one in your head.
6. Using capital letters to convey yelling. Please don't include this into your professional paper or article. When online, it is completely acceptable to type "STOP IT!!!" to represent yelling and to convey that "you really mean it". However, if you include this stuff into an article that is meant for publication, once again the results might be less than great. LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING!!! Yuck, how would you like to read that in your next novel? "Listen to me when I'm speaking," he yelled. In both instances we understand that yelling is being done, but the second is acceptable, the first IS NOT!!!.