Interpersonal Attractional: Liking and Loving

Interpersonal attraction refers to positive feelings toward another. Social psychologists use this term broadly to encompass a variety of experiences, including liking, friendship, admiration, lust and love.

Key factors in attraction:
Many factors influence who is attracted to whom. Factors that promote the development of liking, friendship, and love are different types of attraction; the interpersonal dynamics at work in each are surprisingly similar. Each is influenced by physical attractiveness, similarity and reciprocity.

I. Physical attractiveness:
Although people often say that "beauty is only skin deep," the empirical evidence suggests that most people don't really believe that homily. The importance of physical attractiveness was demonstrated in a study of college students in which unacquainted men and women were sent off on a "get-acquainted" date. The investigators were mainly interested in how communication might affect the process of attraction, but to put this factor in context they also measured participants' perceptions of their date's physical attractiveness and similarity to themselves. They found that the quality of communication during the date did have some effect on females' interest in friendship, but the key determinant of romantic attraction for both genders was the physical attractiveness of the other person. Many other studies have demonstrated the singular prominence of physical attractiveness in the initial stage of dating and have shown that it continues to influence the course of commitment as dating relationships evolve. In the realm of romance, being physically attractive appears to be more important for females than males. For example, in a study of college students, the correlation between romantic popularity and physical attractiveness was higher for females (0.76) than for males (0.47).

Although people prefer physically attractive partners in romantic relationships, they may consider their own level of attractiveness in pursuing dates. What people want in a partner may be different from what they are willing to settle for. The matching hypothesis proposes that males and females of approximately equal physical attractiveness are likely to select each other as partners. The matching hypothesis is supported by evidence that married couples tend to be very similar in level of physical attractiveness. Interestingly, people expect that individuals who are similar in attractiveness will be more satisfied as couples and less likely to breakup.

II. Similarity effects:
Research provides far more support for the former than the latter. Married and dating couples tend to be similar in age, race, religion, social class, personality, education, intelligence, physical attractiveness and attitudes. In married couples, personality similarity appears to be associated with greater marital happiness. Similarity is also seen among friends. For instance, adult friends tend to be relatively similar in terms of income, education, occupational status, ethnicity and religion.

The most obvious explanation for these correlations is that similarity causes attraction. Laboratory experiments on attitude similarity, conducted by Donn Byrne and his colleagues, suggest that similarity does cause liking. However, Berscheid and Reis (1998) point out that similarity effects in romantic relationships may simply reflect the fact that for most people, the field of available and eligible potential partners tends to be "overwhelmingly composed of similar persons."III.

III. Reciprocity effects:
Dale Carnegie, in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", suggested that people can gain others' liking by showering them with praise and flattery. However, the evidence suggests that flattery will get you somewhere, with some people, some of the time.

In interpersonal attraction, reciprocity involves liking those who show that they like you. In general, research indicates that we tend to like those who show that they like us and that we tend to see others as liking us more if we like them. Thus, it appears that breeds of liking and loving promote loving.

One interesting line of research suggests that in romantic relationships this reciprocity effect even extends to partners "idealizing" each other. Murray, Holmes and Griffin (1996) asked 180 married or dating couples to rate themselves, their partner and their ideal partner on a variety of traits and to rate their satisfaction with their relationship. Common sense would suggest that an accurate view of one's partner would be the best foundation for a stable, satisfying intimate relationship, but this is not what the investigators found. Instead, they discovered that most people viewed their partners more favorably than the partners viewed themselves. Individuals' perceptions of their romantic partners seemed to reflect their ideals for a partner more than reality. Moreover, the data showed that people were happier in their relationship when they idealized their partners and when their partners idealized them. A follow-up study found that individuals who are satisfied with their romantic relationships tend to focus on their partners' virtues and to minimize and rationalize their partners' faults. This research suggests that positive illusions about one's partner may foster happier and more resilient romantic relationships.