Interracial Dating: Love Takes Time to Heal Wounds

Time, because of history and misconceptions about interracial marriage opponents and their reasons for opposing interracial relationships, plays the biggest factor in the continuing existence of racism in the United States. Even though Guess Who's Coming To Dinner aptly demonstrates that "Race is not an issue where love is concerned, but compromise is", the wound of racism is still too deep for the country to have recovered more than thirty years after the end of the Civil Rights Movement (Interracial dating isn't easy, but love is color blind). In addition, many black women resent black men dating white women, others have cultural/religious (or in Joanna's father's case, social) reasons for having some apprehension about dating other races, and the American people as a whole automatically seem to expect to date those of their own race and actively seek to date those of their own race. Despite these roadblocks, time is also part of the solution to eradicating racism. It's going to take more generations of not only interracial love but continued interaction among races to solve the problem of racism.

Opposition to interracial dating is not just confined to one side. While people usually think of opposition to interracial dating coming from whites and condemning them as racists, many black women (and members of other races) also have a problem with interracial dating. The black maid in Guess Who's Coming To Dinner made her opposition to Joanna's relationship with the doctor very well known to the family, albeit for different reasons than many black women today. The maid's problem was the mentality of the time period she was in and her acceptance of that mentality. The problem black women today have with interracial marriages has more to do with a sense of abandonment. Black women today feel as if they have been abandoned by their black men whenever they see one of them dating a white woman. Even though the "interracial marriage rate for black women is climbing faster than the rate of black men" and "the number of black woman-white man couples jumped sharply in the 1980s", black women still feel a sense of betrayal and unworthiness because of the positive emphasis American society places on white physical features (Interracial Dating and Marriage). Many black women believe that black men don't feel they're beautiful because men only see white-skinned, blue-eyed women being held up as the standard for feminine beauty. Therefore, many African-American women, not explicitly trying to appear racist, take it personally and can't help but feel resentful of not only black men but the white women they date.

One of the most infamous controversies involving interracial dating and racism involves Bob Jones University. The university banned interracial dating in the 1950s but not due to opposition from whites. Opposition came from an Asian family who "threatened to sue the school when their son, who was a student at the school, nearly married a white girl" (Christianity Today, Bob Jones University Drops Interracial Dating Ban, 1994). Even though this case was based on more cultural than racial reasons, the university never did admit black students until a couple of decades later, and the whole issue of interracial dating and Bob Jones continues into the 21st century.

The case of the Asian family at Bob Jones University illustrates that opposition to interracial dating doesn't necessarily have to involve beliefs based on race, either. Some people may not want to marry someone of a different race in order to preserve their culture or religion. As Swati Rawani wrote about her parents' attitude toward interracial dating:

[I]t is not because they think other races are inferior that they disapprove of interracial dating. Instead their opinions are dependent on cultural reasons. They expect me to maintain and observe my culture and religion after marriage; involvement with a person of another race would most likely be a hindrance toward this purpose (Interracial dating isn't easy, but love is color blind).

These kinds of concerns illustrate other points of view and show that those in opposition to dating other races shouldn't necessarily be marked racist as a whole.

Even something that may seem based on race alone can go much deeper and present some valid concerns. The dilemma facing Joanna's father in Guess Who's Coming To Dinner, however, was the difficult life his daughter and the doctor and their children would have to live because of the prevailing attitudes of American society at the time. The times were changing too slowly for him to feel comfortable giving the relationship his blessing. Of course he eventually realized that you can't let that get in the way of love, and things will always be that way as long as people are too afraid to try and make changes by making an example of themselves. Joanna's parents started the process by teaching their daughter to see beyond race. The mantle then passed to Joanna and her generation to take the next step.

Joanna's generation and future generations have continued the process. Interracial dating and marriage in the past 20-30 years or so has been on the rise:

"In recent years, the proportion of both men and women from all racial groups who 'marry out,' meaning out of their racial group, has increased... and the percent of young Black men who marry white women has increased fairly sharply" (Rates of mixed-race marriages increasing, 1997).

Unfortunately, many Americans (even those who don't have any special reasons for dating and marrying within their own race) still possess a mental block to interracial, romantic relationships. People still expect to date and marry within their own race. They don't actively look to get involved in interracial romantic relationships. The initial reactions of Joanna's parents illustrate that, despite their lessons of racial tolerance and equality to her, even they never expected to see their daughter dating and marrying a black man. The reason for this may be because of the mental block that still exists today.

It takes more than love to solve the problem of racism; it takes time. Love has to be the antidote, individual by individual. Individual people, through themselves and through family members who marry outside of their race, will have to be the ones to get the nation to that point. Generation after generations must change the attitudes of previous generations to eradicate racism from the nation as a whole (or comes as close to eliminating it as possible). Just as slavery wasn't the end of injustices towards African-Americans for 100 years (and still having an effect even today), love isn't going to solve the problem of racism tomorrow.

Websites Cited

Rates of mixed-race marriages increasing, study says
http://www.sistahspace.com/nommo/ir6.html

Interracial Dating and Marriage
http://www.sistahspace.com/nommo/index3.html

Christianity Today, Bob Jones University Drops Interracial Dating Ban
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/110/53.0.html

Interracial dating isn't easy, but love is color blind
http://www.jhu.edu/~newslett/04-16-98/Focus/5.html