Interview with Nancy Pelosi

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 12 - March 21, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Nancy Pelosi?
NP: Yes, I'm Speaker Pelosi.
TR: May I come in?
NP: What do you want here?
TR: I'm with the Coffee Club Newsletter. I have an appointment.
NP: Would you mind waiting in the foyer? I have to check with someone about this.
TR: Ok. I'll finish my beer out here.
NP: You shouldn't be drinking this time of day, especially not that yucky beer.
TR: That's all I can afford.
NP: Well, it doesn't look good.
TR: I'm almost done.
NP: Fine. Why did you want to talk to me?
TR: I had an appointment to do a short interview.
NP: You don't look like a reporter.
TR: I have a diploma from the Eve Ning Sun School of Advanced Photography in North Korea.
NP: Are you a spy?
TR: No. I don't even carry a magnifying lens. I just have a camera and my recorder.
NP: That doesn't make you a journalist.
TR: I don't know anything else.
NP: Try running for office.
TR: Are you serious?
NP: No, of course not.
TR: How long will I have to stand here?
NP: Hillary hasn't picked up yet. Let me try again.
TR: Hillary who?
NP: Clinton.
TR: Oh. Why do you have to ask her?
NP: You don't need to know that.
TR: Sorry.
NP: She's not answering. She must be very busy. Maybe I'll just have to trust you. Leave all your equipment outside. No cameras, no cell phones, no tape recorders.... Everything will be off the record, understand?
TR: Yes. May I come in now?
NP: Go ahead; just don't sit on any of the sofas.
TR: Ok.
NP: How long will this take?
TR: Two minutes.
NP: Go.
TR: Where?
NP: Oh my. Ask me your questions.
TR: I understand that you have been talking to the Dalai Lama.
NP: Yes, he is such a lovely man.
TR: Did you discuss the situation in Tibet?
NP: We touched on the subject of course, but we also spoke about other things.
TR: Can you elaborate?
NP: Yes, but I won't. You don't really need to know.
TR: Is he as charming as they say?
NP: Much more than they say. He understands everything with what I would call super clarity. We meditated together.
TR: But you also talked?
NP: I did most of the talking.
TR: I understand.
NP: What do you mean by that?
TR: Nothing. I just said I understood.
NP: Well, don't print it. It sounds sinister.
TR: I won't print it. I just figured that since you are the speaker....
NP: Fine.
TR: Did he complain about the Chinese?
NP: No, I wouldn't say that. He is very patient and serene. You should buy his books.
TR: I can't afford them.
NP: I would lend you some but I don't trust you. You would never return them.
TR: You are assuming I'm forgetful.
NP: That and much more.
TR: I don't understand.
NP: Good. It's better for you.
TR: So you were impressed with the Dalai Lama?
NP: I already knew him from a previous incarnation. I think the Chinese have orchestrated some very horrible things in Tibet and they had better get out soon before President Bush hears of it.
TR: What would be wrong with that?
NP: He might decide to send troops. It would be a nightmare.
TR: So, what is your suggestion?
NP: I won't know until Hillary calls me back.
TR: I hear your phone ringing. Good bye and thank you so much.
NP: Hello? Hillary?