Interview with a Self-Injurer: A Look Behind the Curtain

What is self-injury?

Self-injury is the practice of inflicting pain on yourself. I think the most mainstream practice is cutting, but there are so many other forms: burning, hitting, etc. But more importantly, self-injury is a coping mechanism. It's how injurers deal with trauma and negative emotions.

How does self-injury start?

Like I said, it's a coping mechanism. At some point, I don't remember when, I found that injury helped alleviate pain and stress. I began to injure as a child. I think most people do. It's a time when you're just learning how to handle things. When your pain outweighs the things you know you can do to make it go away, you can develop self-injury to cope.

Does it hurt when you self-injure?

Absolutely. I've heard some injurers say that it doesn't. But for me, it definitely does.

Most people who don't injure can't understand why you'd want to hurt yourself. What benefits does injury carry?

That's one of the common questions. "How does pain make it better? Doesn't that just make it worse?" I think it's 50% perspective and 50% science. Pain is a distraction and gives you something to concentrate on. Some people find that by taking a walk, and some by self-injury. Physical pain also triggers the release of endorphins that make you feel better.

Don't you want to stop self-injuring?

That's a complicated question. I know that injuring is not a mainstream or completely safe way to cope. At the same time, I am not pressuring myself to stop. Like any behavior, it has to be un-learned and replaced with something else. That takes time and hard work. So, yes and no.

Is it true that there are pro-injury groups online?

I've heard that, but I've never found any. If you search, you'll find a lot of groups that are geared toward recovery. I have seen a couple of websites that discuss concerns that self-injurers may have without making the judgment that they need to stop.

Do you wish there were pro-injury sites?

I wish there were neutral support sites. I think that injurers should be urged to seek treatment, but not forced to stop. It's too traumatic. Some of the anti-injury sites and groups are very heavy-handed. For someone just beginning to un-learn the behavior, that's scary. I'd love to see sites that offer important information that injurers need to know if they're going to continue to injure: avoiding serious injury and blood loss, first-aid, preventing scars, covering scars, dealing with questions, cleaning your tools, etc. Self-injurers need to be educated by people who don't judge their behavior.

What are some of the myths about self-injury?

The biggest myth, I think, is that it's an emo/goth/punk or teen-only behavior. I can't say that some people in counter cultures don't injure, but injury is not part of the movement. And lots of adults injure. I think that myth trivializes injury, maybe to make it easier to deal with for the public.

I also don't like the myth that injury is a poor attempt at suicide. Self-injury is a way to live, not a way to die. Many injurers feel suicidal at some point because of the trauma or pain. But injury and suicide are not synonymous, and one doesn't cause the other.

These kinds of stereotypes have probably come out of real cases. People hear about one goth kid who cuts, or one injurer who attempts suicide, and project that onto the entire population.

There have been portrayals of self-injury in film, most notably in Secretary. Do you think this helps or harms?

In a way, it helps. Secretary was as close to accurate portrayal as I've seen so far. She has her ritual, her triggers (things that make someone injure) and her tools. I also like the injury scene in 28 Days when a self-injuring girl says that it "feels better than everything else."

On the other hand, movies can only graze the surface. They give pieces of the truth without going behind what can be seen. In that way, it raises "awareness" that self-injury is a simple, easily explained behavior. And that just isn't so.

What can I do if I learn that someone is self-injuring?

Take it slow. Make sure he knows that he can talk to you. If he's comfortable, let him tell you how he's feeling or what caused him to injure. But if he's not, don't push him away by insisting on a conversation.

Urge him to seek help without implying that self-injuring means that he's crazy or defective in some way. Even if he chooses not to see a therapist or doctor, support him. Make sure he knows how to care for himself and that he feels safe around you.

Most importantly, protect yourself from the emotional drain. You can only help so much. If he calls while he's injuring and it upsets you, calmly say that you want him to call or visit later after he's calmer so you can talk. If you aren't able to help him, direct him to someone who can (a crisis line or center, another loved one, a doctor or therapist). You are not abandoning him. You are keeping yourself safe.

What resources do you recommend for anyone looking for self-injury information or help?

A quick internet search will give you a lot of information. Selfinjury.com is a good place to start. There are so many forums that you could peruse or join to get answers to your questions.

If you're looking for a self-injury support group in your area, speak to counseling centers. There are also Meetup groups for injurers. In many cases, groups that focus on mental illness, such as depression, also cover self-injury during their sessions. NAMI can give you the contact information for groups in your area.

I am grateful to Anne for sharing with me. Self-injury is a complex and often-overlooked practice. It is her hope, and mine, that her experience can help others.