Interview with a Stay at Home Dad

I have read many stories about stay at home dads, but I never really felt that the whole story was there. So I decided to interview a stay at home dad and get the real scoop. I interviewed Ray Lewis. Ray is a father of two children, ages six and three. He became a stay at home father after being laid off from his job a little over four months ago.

Question: What do you feel is the major difference between stay at home moms and stay at home dads, if any?

Ray: I think that women find it easier to juggle the responsibilities of being a stay at home parent. I always try to do everything when the kids are sleeping. I am not good at multitasking and don't understand how women do it.

Question: Are you planning on continuing to be a stay at home dad or are you planning on going back to work?

Ray: I am planning on going back to work but because of my experience of being a stay at home dad I understand what my wife had to go through so I am going to step up and help out more now.

Question: If the chance arose would you happily be a stay at home dad again?

Ray: If the timing was right, yes.

Question: Could you elaborate on that answer for me?

Ray: Financially, if we were set I would consider staying at home again. Then I could afford some free time because I would have a nanny [laughs].

Question: How has being a stay at home dad affected how you feel about stay at home parents?

Ray: I respect them more. I have the respect for them that yeah, I went to work everyday, but their job at home was harder than mine. I will never look at a woman again and think they have it made. Being a parent is hard enough work, but when you are stuck in the house all day too, you never get relief. Only a real hero could do this long term and not go insane.

Question: What is the best part of being at stay at home dad?

Ray: I spend time with my children, and actually see them grow up a little bit. When I was working I didn't have that opportunity. I really didn't know my children as well as I should have. I didn't know where they were at in life, what they had learned, and just general things. It's nice to have that connection now. The funny thing is, I never knew what I was missing until I had that connection.

Question: What is the worst part of being a stay at home dad?

Ray: I don't have any free time. I am always constantly making sure they are fed, clothed, and diapers are changed. You are always cleaning and you are constantly doing something, there is no time to just sit down. Being a previous full time worker I was used to breaks through the day to chill out and wind down. There are no such breaks when you are a stay at home dad, its just "daddy, daddy, daddy" all day.

Question: What do you think is the biggest misconception about stay at home dads?

Ray: Umm, that they can't handle it as well as a woman. People say mothers are more nurturing and understanding, and because some men don't have those qualities, often we all get labeled that way. I think that women definitely have some things men don't, but just because we don't handle it the same way doesn't mean it's not the right way.

Question: What is one thing that your wife could handle but you struggle with?

Ray: Mealtime, for sure. It is so hard to cook a meal and make sure the kids aren't killing each other. I am in the kitchen trying to cook and the kids are fighting and carrying on and I am trying to make sure nothing burns and at the same time no one breaks an arm, running back and forth is hard. My kids probably eat less healthy now because I try to make the fastest healthy food we have, but they don't always make food that way.

Question: If you had to give new or potential stay at home dads one piece of advice what would it be?

Ray: That you can do it. Just take deep breaths, if you are getting too overwhelmed, relax for a few seconds and just go for it. It is kind of like when you have a project at work and your boss is breathing down your neck, the only difference is that it is your kids breathing down your neck and at least you can always tell them to just chill out for a few minutes.

Question: What do you think is the biggest mistake new stay at home dads make?

Ray: Thinking that they can handle everything on their own. They think that they should be able to do everything and they don't realize that it's okay to ask for help. It is not shameful to reach out and confess that you are overwhelmed. Just being able to talk about it sometimes helps. Although just to warn you, you may be facing a few "I told you so" remarks.

Question: Earlier we talked about misconceptions about stay at home dads, is there anything you think is true of stay at home dads?

Ray: I would say that moms are better at handling personal problems. When your children come home and have had a fight at school, we just want to know why they got into trouble and how to handle it. Moms want to know what happened, why it happened, and are better at getting the little details and the story behind it. Overall, I think they can be more understanding about the situation.

Question: Everyone has secrets, would you let us in on one that stay at home dads have?

Ray: I can say for me, I don't always follow the rules. I may let my son play video games before he does his homework, or have a sweet snack before dinner. I think I am more lenient than my wife is. As long as it gets done I am happy, and as long as my wife doesn't find out everything is okay anyway right?

Question: Okay I just have one more question for you. What is the biggest lesson you have learned while being a stay at home dad?

Ray: I took advantage of my wife when I went to work. Now I understand what she had to go through and how she felt. I am more lenient than I used to be, I enjoy my family more and realize how quickly it all goes by and that you never know what tomorrow will bring. I also think I will love working a little more when I return, I will be able to appreciate my time away from the house.

Of course not every stay at home parent, be it a mother or father, would agree with everything that Ray has to say. I certainly felt that I was getting to the truth of the matter with this interview though and it has shed some light on how I thought stay at home dads felt and how they actually do feel. Feel free to leave your comments or questions to Ray and I will have his responses posted.