Intimacy Issues: Five Things Men Should Admit

Secrets can kill a relationship. People whose lives revolve around hidden closets and stuff swept up under the rug have a much harder time connecting with people on an authentic level because they are so busy trying to keep up with the last lie they told, the last grave they dug the last secret they kept from their significant other. It is a hard thing to do. But there are five secrets men genuinely have that they should come clean with. While some women may be unable to deal with them, experience has shown if you have invested in a solid relationship admitting these five things will not only be good for you they will be good for the relationship as women naturally, look to nurse us out of our pain.

The most important thing a man should admit to is porn addiction. Men I don't care when it started or how long you have been doing it, pornography can wreak havoc on a relationship. Some women find porn a difficult subject to talk about but because so many of us watched porn as a child, it is a learned behavior that we just never unlearned because it has such a strong footprint in our lives. But what happens is we become dependent on porn for excitement and energy and our mates become afterthoughts because few women bring to the love relationship what we watch in a mainline porn video.

Pornography is about playing to the neorotic tendencies of a man. Which is to say that the best selling X-rated videos have the same components, women who are vocal about pleasure, sex that is hot and sweaty, and a man who lasts way longer than any of us could imagine. Those three concepts contextualize the desires of most men. We want a woman who tells us that what we are doing feels good. We want intercourse that is quick, fast and volcanic. And lastly we want to last longer than she needs us to in order to get her to the point where she has an orgasm during intercourse. Men. Get over it, admit that you have a problem.

The second thing men need to admit to the women we love is about our insecurities in terms of sex and intimacy. Because we have an ingrained complex about performance most of us fear not being able to measure up to past experiences and the perceptions of how good sex is supposed to be when done right by someone who knows what they are doing. Our problem is made worse by the fact that we have soft egos to begin with which means we can deflate the moment someone tells us something we don't want to hear about how good or bad we are.

Thirdly, if we could get to the point where we looked at our girlfriends and wives and said, 'how can I please you', we might get a response that is otherworldly. The problem is admitting that we are clueless in pleasing women. We don't know what we are doing. The only guides we have are the videos we have watched, the articles we've read and the stories we have heard. No one took men aside at high school graduation and said this is how you please a woman. So when you get upset that we don't spend enough time during oral stimulation on a specific part of you we don't understand. We don't know that a certain section is more sensitive than any other and will help you have a better orgasm than anything else. We just don't know. The hope is that if we admit that we are clueless in the bedroom you will be gentle with our egos enough to show us how to please you.

Next up on the list of things men need to admit is that we feel rejected when you say no. Maybe you are rejecting us because of performance issues or maybe you are just not in the mood. But either way or in whatever case when the door to sex and intimacy is closed what we hear is rejection. And it hurts us emotionally and mentally. It is like a slap in the face and kick in the behind that demoralizes us into believing that you want something other than us to meet your needs. That pain is paralyzing for men who are unable to distinguish between rejection and reality.

The last thing men need to admit is that control scares them. In a recent Dateline episode about sex and love one couple was struggling with sex until they made a major breakthrough at the office of the therapists. They went to their room and had magical sex. That was until the man realized that with his wife in control, she could dominate him in ways that made him cower like a little boy. We both like control. And in terms of sex and intimacy no one is really in control but when a woman dominates a love relationship it can scare a man to a place of uselessness.

So guys here is what has to be done. Let's make a real attempt at personal and relationship growth and development by admitting our faults, insecurities, problems and the like to our significant others. We might be surprised at how they respond if we give them the chance to love us through how we feel and what we are facing.