Intimacy Issues: Five Things No Man Wants to Hear

With less than three weeks until women will open boxes hoping for diamonds and men will go into debt to buy the diamonds women want, it is time to do the annual reevaluation of our relationship. Valentine's Day will be memorable for what you get or don't get. It will be the day you decide that you have had enough or that you really want to spend the rest of your life with your significant other. It is Valentine's Day or better yet, Judge My Love Day.

Men have delicate egos. We want to be Mandingo Warriors in the bedrooms. What we struggle with is fulfilling the needs of the women we are with while competing with the lies we heard our friends tell of the escapades they experienced the previous weekend. To that end, women can kill the potential bedroom capabilities of the men that they are with by admitting to five things. That's right ladies, you can kill your man if you tell him that you engage in, participate in, or acknowledge five simple things. One will break his heart. Two will cause a mental breakdown. Three will cause him to lock himself in the closet. Four will make him question himself. And if you admit to all five you might as well close the door because that relationship is over.

Men as a rule say they want to know everything. The reality is completely different. What we want to know is only what will boost our egos or pump up our pride. Anything else is material for sticking a needle in our balloon and deflating our impressions of who we are. Which is why the No. 1 thing women should never admit is that they fake an orgasm. Women, I don't care if he asks you for the complete truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If you tell your man you faked an orgasm expect one of two things to occur, him to make you have an orgasm that he can prove next time or he disassociates himself from you and sex entirely because he cannot handle or understand why you faked an orgasm, even if you did it with good intentions.

The next thing a woman should never tell a man is that he is not the best she has ever been with. Women you know better than anyone how good lovemaking has been in your life. And when you compare the lovemaking skills of one man with another you get into a dicey area of comparison shopping. And we both know, you cannot compare two men just like you cannot compare two brands of milk. But even if you do, do not tell a man that you found him to be less fulfilling than someone in your best. Men thrive on the need to be the best, to vanquish the competition. And while you may not realize it, when you enter a relationship with someone new they are inherently competing with who you have been with in the past. He will never be able to get over this.

The next thing you must never do is tell your man that he does not fulfill you. Orgasms aside, pleasure is more mental and emotional than anything else. In your mind and heart, if lovemaking is mundane and like a bed of rocks as opposed to a glass of wine with rose petals I apologize but he does not need to know. Unless and until he is able to handle it and you as a couple are willing to put the work in to develop the skills as a couple to enhance your bedroom experiences.

The fourth thing a man finds deflating is that the only way for you to reach an orgasm is through using an accessory. Typically this refers to a replacement part for your man or something that stimulates you better than he does when engaging in intercourse. In either case, sex has become an odyssey in boredom and time wasted from your vantage point. But here is the thing to consider, it may not be his fault. But if he finds out you are unfulfilled all he will hear is that he is incapable of pleasing you. And that just isn't fair to him.

The last thing a man should never hear from his significant other about sex and intimacy, especially around Valentine's Day, is you do not need sex. Men just cannot understand that statement at all. Part of it is in how God wired us. We associate sex and connecting while women connect intimately through hugging, caressing and other activities. Men need intercourse for that connection so to say you don't need sex makes a man think you don't need him. Obviously, when you say this you are not intently rejecting him but rejection is what he will hear if you make that mortal statement.

I admit it, we are scared individuals who need propping up every once in a while, especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. We want to be good at what we do but no one gave us a manual that said Please Your Mate. So rather than make one or all of five of these statements, do your man a favor and reveal your manual to him by guiding him, teaching him, showing him how to meet your needs while building his belief system in his ability to satisfy you. And imagine that. All he wants is to satisfy you and to be the best you've ever had.

Is that so bad?