Intimacy Issues for Married Men for Their Clueless Wives

Most men struggle when it comes to being candid about the big purple elephant in the room called sex. Regardless to what many of the 'experts' say, men know as much as women do about what they like and dislike when it comes to the part of marriage called intimacy. Since the days of Sly Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger, men have tried to live up to this He-Man complex of being the best there is and the best there ever will be when it comes to love-making.

The problem for most men is we do not know how to be the best because sex was never a real competition. For most of us we competed with other guys in who could tell the best story. Whether they were true or not is the real question. And while no study has been conducted I do not think it far-fetched to believe that almost three-quarters of the bedroom exploits shared between men are fables, hyperboles, outright lies. At the same time, men are never as bad as they think they are.

Contrary to popular opinion, most men cannot go over half an hour at a time when it comes to intercourse. And in many cases it is even shorter because a man's endurance is based on consistency (quantity over quality). The more sex a man has the longer he is able to sustain an erection and to stave off the proverbial sex-killer, the Big-O. It is the Big-O that most men love and hate at the same time. Most men enjoy the mountain, only wishing the mountain didn't peak so fast. And regardless of the techniques, most men struggle to control their ability to calm the eruption.

But all hope is not lost for men. Sex and intimacy are interchangeable for men unlike women. Women define sex as the literal act of intercourse. Whereas they define intimacy as everything but the act. That is to include holding each other on the sofa while a good movie is on or rubbing her feet after a long day in heels. Unfortunately for us, that does not register on our man-o-meters as having anything to do with intimacy. For men, intimacy is indefinable because we do not crave holding someone and really do not like being held. We do not like to talk after sex or cuddle in a certain position. That does nothing for us but who told us that it was OK to feel the way that we do?

Since we became men we have been read the riot act for liking what we like and disliking what we dislike. But can we help it that holding hands means more to our spouses than it does to us? These are the kinds of things men want to say to their ways but have never had the courage to say. So women, allow me to speak for your husbands and tell you exactly what is on our minds.

Intimacy Issue #1 - While we do not need sex like water, most men have a sex tank and every once in a while it needs to be refueled. When the tank is full the man is good. When the tank is empty, your husband is absolutely useless.

Intimacy Issue #2 - Just because it is a bad time for you does not mean it is a bad time for me. A healthy marriage is founded on communication and understanding. Once a month a woman's other, other half shows up and takes up residence in our home. He is careless and comes at the worst times. He is rude and we do not get along with him well. Why? Because he is never considerate about how his presence makes us feel and stays longer than he should. He never leaves early and always stays late.

Intimacy Issue #3 - Women just like you want to be caressed; men like to be as well. You want your hair rubbed and your feet massaged. You want your fingers soothed and your back eased. Unfortunately, rubbing our heads and fingers will get you that look you hate so much. We are not trying to be rude. We are just different and as much as you want us to accept what you like we need you to appreciate what we like as well. Men like certain regions of their bodies rubbed as well. The region on a man's inner thigh between his knee and pelvis is a prime place for you to spend quiet, romantic time rubbing. Oh and women, that's it for rubbing.

Intimacy Issue #4 - Once a month is not healthy. Most men would be content with once a week. Going for the big bang once a month is like asking a man to eat meat once a month and to chew on carrots and Brussels sprouts the other thirty days. Understanding that both of you have your own sex drives it is important to understand how fast both of you need to move for your to be content. Of course we would all like to be happy, happy, joy joy. But reality is contentment is a lot easier and more obtainable to reach than the place called pleasure. Therefore, if you like it once a month and he wants it four times a month, compromise by going twice one month and three times the next. No, you do not get your once a month. But then he doesn't get his four times a month either.

Intimacy Issue #5 - If you want us to stop looking give us something to look at. This may sound rude and in some ways that is my intention but you cannot walk around the house with your hair shot all over your head and your fingernails unpainted and your feet filthy and expect your man to crave looking at you. If when he comes home all you have on is your drab housecoat and those twenty year old slippers he is going to see a lot of things, sexy is not one of them. Do him and yourself a favor by going in his closet, getting a clean (starched) white dress shirt and putting it on with nothing else but a pair of heels. It will be his request for what you wear every day for the rest of your marriage. Trust me.

Intimacy Issue #6 - A man with a short endurance feels a great deal of shame and embarrassment that he doesn't last longer than he does. As opposed to getting frustrated at him, encourage him. He knows he is supposed to last for longer than five minutes. But when you are only having sex five times a year what can you expect? It is like asking someone to go run a marathon when all they have done is walk around the last six months. They will be able to do a short spring but anything longer than that will cause them to pass out from exhaustion.

Intimacy Issue #7 - A man's greatest fear is that he will not measure up. So if both of you came into the relationship with previous sexual experience the one thing sure to kill his ego and man-o-meter is to think that he is inadequate in comparison to what you have had before. The trick is to help him be the best that he can be. Teach him how to satisfy you in ways beyond intercourse. There is more than one way to bake a cake you know.