Into the Corners of My Mind

She still could not shake the previous night's dream. It seemed surreal yet could it be? Her daily life consisted of waking early, going to work, coming home and eating, then she would watch some TV then slip into bed. Nothing in her life was special, nothing was unique. Her mundane existence had suddenly been interrupted by a dream. A dream that would cause her to pay attention to her so called life, if not to make a change but to wake her up but mentally and physically.

Her name was Anne, and she was a nurse. She had plenty of money, but was saving it up into a bank account for hard times. She had a modest apartment, and kept solely to herself. Sometimes she found a familiar face because of her job. She would say "Hello", but never really talk to anyone about things. Sometimes she would have to work at a blood drive station over across town. There she would meet strangers, homeless people, and plenty of others, but never really know their names.

Anne was a shy, meek person. Back in high school, she sang once in front of 500 people. It was probably what many remembered her for the best. Well, those that went to her high school, that is. Music was so much a gift for her. She sang along with radios, knowing every word to a song. At night she would hum a song till she fell asleep. But now Anne had lost that inner joy of musical enthusiasm. She no longer sang in front of huge crowds. The church Anne was attending did not allow musical performances, and no musical ac compliments, which greatly changed her opportunities to get out and sing.

Anne loved animals and had two dogs, a toad, two ferrets, and a cat. The animals were her closest friends. She would love on them and tell them things she dare not mutter to humankind. I guess you could say they were her confidants. Animals would love her, and love her unconditionally.

Work was just that, work for her. The same drive that sent Anne into the medical professional field was not there anymore. At first there was a strong desire to help others, followed by making a change for the good, but somehow along the way it became the routine she had, not a heart connection.

After coming home one evening, she pondered her childhood. She thought of how her family had literally turned their backs on her. Her own mother had ceased communication because of differences they had. She had been unlucky in finding family love it seemed. As she was thinking of times past she started feeling sadness at a life she no long knew. How times had changed, how they had changed her. Feeling rejected, and of not much use, she cried herself to sleep at nights. It had not been her fault, she really wanted to do good, but in a brief decisive instant, she was all alone. Just one decision that changed her whole life to come.

Seemed like somehow she was just going through the movements, day in and day out. She had no visitors, no phone calls, unless it was a bill collector, or wrong number. She petted on her animals and she ate because she had to, being a Diabetic would make that decision for her. Every three months she would visit her Doctor for her Diabetic check up and that would be her interaction for some time. Friends at work were just friends at work, not after work going to a place and eating or a local event would happen for her.

In reflection over her life she always came to the same question, "HOW?" How did her life go from a happy, full of energy, popular, person to a quite, shy and unconfident individual. Noone could answer that for her. Now she had had this dream that made things appear so clearly to her.

In her dream there were familiar faces, there was family members. Her dream started in an explosion of feelings, and ended quite tragic. One moment in her dream she was eating supper, laughing and feeling good, then the next everyone she loved was dying around her. One part of her dream she was going to malls, and to the beach, everyone was having such a good time. Her family had apologized for all their selfish deeds, and they all had made up. They were now sharing with each other, laughing and having fun. But suddenly, one after one, they started to die off. She could feel the sadness, the sense of loss, as if it were real. She could feel the anxiety of never getting to say all the things she wanted to say. She was actually feeling it all slip away. He mother, her father, her sister and brother, her grandmother, all were dead in her dream. As her heart ached, and she felt real tears coming down her cheeks, she awakened. A sense of total shock and sadness flooded her mind. She wiped her face, and started to cry some more. This dream was far to real for her, it felt so real.

What was it in this dream that stirred Anne's heart? Whatever it was made her start taking one day at a time, re-evaluate her own life. She started to make new friendships, get more involved in her church, and community. Even though she could not change her family situation, she now prayed for her family members, and she continued to believe that all things can change. All things go on, and she now realized life is what you make of it, good and bad. Everything has a purpose she thought, everything lives and dies.

If dreams can make us change, if they can bring a sense of belonging, or stir our thoughts, than Anne figured it out.