Intolerant Schools Leave Students and Parents Feeling Helpless

I recently read an article here about a mother whose son was being physically and verbally abused at his school because he appeared to be goth. The school officials have done nothing for him aside from suggesting he change his appearance so the treatment he receives will be better. The mother and son feel helpless, and are actually considering home schooling as an alternative.

I don't believe it is right for these people to feel they are being forced out of a school. Intolerant schools do not have any right to weed out "undesirables" by doing nothing to change an unacceptable situation. Parents and teens need to realize they are not helpless, they have resources to address the intolerant attitudes and have their grievances resolved.

The first thing that would need to be done is have the student document school incidents where s/he is attacked. Try to remember everything, from when and where it happened to who was involved and was said and done. Also write down how the student reacted. Once it's all out on paper, look at the incidents objectively and ask questions as a prosecuting lawyer might, and make sure to answer completely honestly. Did the student do or say anything at all to provoke the attack? Did the student fight back, verbally or physically? Has the student said or done something in the past that might be cause for revenge? If no fault can be found with the student, go back over everything one last time to make sure nothing has been forgotten. You will lose credibility if something is brought up that the student neglected to mention. Once you are finished, rewrite the incidents in a clear objective account and move to the next step.

The next thing to do involves the parent(s). Take the written statement to the school principal and express your concerns. Do not worry about "making things worse" for your child, because if the school officials handle the situation properly that should not happen, and if they handle it wrong (or not at all) then you will need to go to the next step anyway. The damage has already been done by the intolerant attitude. The key thing here is to be as calm, logical, and reasonable as possible. Do not go into the school upset, or allow yourself to become emotional. Take writing materials and make it clear, without being confrontational, that you will document this interview. Depending on how the discussion goes, one of two things can happen. Either promises will be made for positive changes, in which case you will have to decide on a reasonable waiting period to see the situation improve, and if it does not you will have to repeat steps one and two again. Another possible outcome is that the principal says the same thing that was told to the student; that it is the student's responsibility to change, not anyone else's. In this scenario, it's probably time for step three.

The third step to take should happen only after the first two, and is more dependent on other factors, such as how far you're willing to go and your community. You could take all your documented accounts to a lawyer, and as most allow free initial consultations it would only cost time to see if you had a case against the school. Or look into getting in touch with other students who have endured the same treatment to make your case stronger. Another possible action would be to contact your local newspapers or TV stations and see if they would be interested in running your story. Nobody wants negative publicity.

There are three important things to remember if you as a student are being unfairly targeted by intolerant attitudes, or if you are a parent trying to help your child deal with such a situation. The first is that you are not helpless. Your rights are just as important everyone else's around you. The second is to document everything. From being called a name to being shoved or threatened or worse, write it all down. The third is to keep your own behavior above reproach. Do not strike back in any way, do not provoke anything. This goes for both the student and parent. While the student is the one enduring the abuse initially, when the parent steps in s/he will also be subject to similar treatment as they will be held responsible for the student. By working together the student and parent can make a positive change, and not allow themselves to be bullied by an intolerant school.