Introducing Your Same-Sex Love to the Family

When Diva flew to Texas to help me drive down to Florida to move in with her, my sister, Nikki, took me to the airport. I was very happy when she offered. I'd never been to the airport, and I was terrified of going. Nikki already knew Diva wasn't just a friend…she was my girlfriend. See, Nikki was one of the few people in my family who knew I was bisexual, and found out so from me. I learned on the way to the airport that my mother would be at Nikki's house and expected to be introduced. That made me nervous.

My mother was One Who Did Not Know. At least not from my lips. I was never as comfortable as Nikki when it came to discussing my sex life with our mother. I've contemplated it a lot lately, because my kids are getting to the age for the Sex Talk. I realized with a jolt that my mom never had the Sex Talk with me. My father did. My mom never even prepared me for my period. My dad did that too…after the fact, granted, but he helped make that one week per month a lot less stressful for me.

None of this occurred to me as I drove with Diva, my kids and a U-Haul to Nikki's house. I discussed tactics with Diva, and she suggested no news was good news.

Once we arrived, I realized the whole gang was there. Not just my mom but my younger siblings, paternal twins -Bianca & Geri. The only one not present was my older brother & Nikki's live-in beau. We hung out, took pictures, and chatted. Not once during the whole stay did I speak the words, "She's my girlfriend," in my mother's hearing. I wanted to, but something just would not let me.

I was never really a closet-type. I lived out loud. Except when it came to my mom. I don't know if I just didn't want to hear the recriminations or if I was afraid she'd be angry or try to "save me from sin". Either way, by the time we left, I still hadn't clarified Diva's place in my life to my mother.

In November 2004, I was hospitalized and received a blood transfusion. Nikki told me she would come to Florida if I needed her, and our mom wanted to come too.

That prospect made me nervous. Before I left Texas, a bitter friend started telling my family I was leaving to join a sex cult. Her motivation was simple: Jealousy. She wanted me to stay and nothing she did or said changed my mind.

Anyway, even then, I didn't tell my mother I was bisexual. After a few calls, I mentioned to Nikki, the fact that I had never actually spoken the words to our mom.

Nikki surprised me by telling me Mom already suspected as much. I told Nikki I wasn't comfortable talking to our mother about it, so I didn't. She probably still doesn't understand, but there it is.

Near Christmas, my health improved enough to lower the alarm, and Nikki persuaded Mom a visit was unnecessary. Mom called to wish us Merry Christmas, and was surprisingly gushy.

"I want you to know that I know Diva's your girlfriend," she told me.

"Okay…" I said. This wasn't a conversation I ever wanted to have.

"You're my daughter and I love you, no matter who you love."

"Okay," I said again. "Thanks."

"Can I talk to Diva?"

Wide-eyed, I offered the phone to Diva, who stared back like I was handing her a hissing viper.

"Take the phone," I growled.

She took it, and kept her eyes on me. "Uh huh…Yes, ma'am…Thank you…Sure…Uh huh…Okay…You, too."

I took the phone back, mumbled a few things and hung up.

Apparently Mom thanked Diva for being with me when I was sick, and for helping take care of my kids. She also wished her Merry Christmas and told her she loved her.

After a few minutes swimming out of the Twilight Zone, I was relieved it was done.

But to this day, I still haven't actually told my mother, "I am bisexual."

I don't avoid her knowledge of it; I just don't discuss it with her. It's part of my sex life, and we just aren't that close, I guess.