Invitation for Sex

Very few things grab my attention like that three letter word, and it has been popping up in front of me the last couple of days like, oh, you know... things that pop up in front of you.

First Jennifer Wagner gets it started with a list of our Sexiest Men of 2009. This leads me to Frank Mucci's Halloween article, Little Known Facts About Halloween, for which I'll be forever grateful. The vision of him strutting his stuff in a red dress, fishnet stockings and heels is forever emblazoned on my mind! Frank, you shameless hussy! Then, as if that wasn't enough, Abby Greenhill throws down the gauntlet with her Sex Challenge, apparently inspired by Nancy V. Canfield's comment on Jenny's article. So we've come full circle.

My turn.

Greenhill's mention of my name was more of a challenge than an invitation, but I've had my fair share of both. It's funny what men come up with to broach the subject of sex and try to get women on the same page, or the same bed. Pick up lines are the butt of jokes, and usually for good reason, but I've heard some good ones. So good, in fact, that I was actually tempted! A guy who can make me laugh has a very good chance of getting me to, well, you know... go out to dinner with him.

A good start for a man might be talking about fashion, especially if I'm wearing a short skirt and heels instead of jeans and a polo shirt. Women can usually be counted on to give some modicum of interest to a man who speaks their language, but some guys will always try to mix in the fashion with the pick up: "Did you know that pageant models often smear Vaseline on their teeth so their lips won't stick when smiling? You know, I have some ideas... "

How about combining fashion with gift giving? Now you've really got my attention: "If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?"

Then there are the guys who enjoy a good hit and run. One walked up to me out of the blue and said, "Screw me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?" Ahem... Yes, I laughed.

It's never a good idea to insinuate I'm not a spring chicken any more: "Honey, you need to hurry up and use what Mother Nature gave you before Father Time takes it all away." Speaking of getting older, as time goes on some of our senses diminish. In my case, it's my sense of decency.

And on that note, I believe I'll step away before things get any worse. I have my standards, you know. They're low, but I still have them.

For more one-liners and inspiration for pick-up lines, I recommend The Troy Show.