Inviting dinner back to the table: A family affair

The most loving and harmonious homes I've visited in my life are the ones where the kitchen or dining room tables are used for something too rare in our modern times: family dinner. You've seen the homes where the dining table is used to store backpacks, bills and pet toys, maybe you even have one in your home. If the top of your table has become unfamiliar as the sight of your family's faces, you may want to start by inviting Sunday dinner back to the table. When you're more accustomed to seeing your family's profiles while they eat in front of the TV, or your schedules have become so disparate that you only see the dishes left behind in the sink, take action. Schedule dinner and make it a weekly event. Start with one day and you will be on the road to establishing a regular weekly dining session with your family.

Make it a routine - Kids crave routine, They may be spontaneous and flit about from activity to activity, but at their cores kids crave routine. They want to know what's coming next and what they can expect from their day. Plan to have dinner around the same time each night and on the weekends.

Give kids face time - Our kids also want to see our faces and hear our voices, not just when we need to yell at them to pick up their coats for the umpteenth time. They need to have time with their siblings and parents in a quiet setting.

Use family dinner time to talk - Kids, especially teens, have trouble opening up sometimes. They may not open up to you over dinner, but it definitely breaks the ice and eases any existing tensions. This breaking the ice routine is especially important in divorced families, where kids are not either with one biological parent or the other and live in more than one house. Remember to ask your kids questions about their day and about school as they may not willingly offer up information unless asked.

Make it special - Treat family dinner time like a special event, because it is. Serve a homemade appetizer or have the kids help you make an easy dessert.

Teachable moments - The family dinner table lend itself to many teachable moments. School-aged children can practice using their manners. It's also a good time to encourage sometimes sullen or quiet teens to venture out of their caves and have a conversation that does not involve typing, but uses words. They can learn the art of conversation, and how to be social rather than introverted, even when they feel moody (as tweens and teens often do).

Simple Rules for a Successful Family Dinner

No cell phones - Everyone, including mom and dad and the teen who never stops texting, needs to leave their cell phones and iPods in their cradles. Put those electronics to bed while you dine together. Nothing is so important that it can't wait an hour while your family has dinner together.

No TV - The TV is another distraction that does not belong at the dinner table. You probably have a TV in most rooms of your home, and if you have kids or a sports-lover in the house, chances are the TV is always on. Family dinner time is when the TV needs to be off. Enjoy your family dinner without the background noise of cartoons or sports.

Everybody helps - Your family should help with the family dinner each night. Young children can set out the napkins and silverware (no sharp knives). Older kids can help clear the table and do the dishes. Little ones can also help clean the table when everyone is done. This not only extends family time, it also teaches cooperation and team work. Your family will learn just how much they really can accomplish when they work together.