Inviting the Mormons In
When you work the crazy long hours of a professional chef sometimes it's practical to get drunk in the morning. On that precious day off you can start the day with a stiff drink, run around the house singing and doing chores, pass out in the afternoon and be ready for a dinner date in the evening.
Daytime drinking can lead to problems. Once I answered the door to the Jehovah's Witnesses stark naked. The kindly woman dropped her handful of pamphlets turned and walked away. This method was so effective I always undress when I see the witness crew mining the block.
One Monday the starchy, crisp Mormons rang the bell. I invited them in. I sat the two young elders on the couch and proceeded to pour a healthy glass of scotch. I did ask them if they wanted something to drink. I could tell they wanted to bolt but I demanded that they give me the pitch. The book of Mormon is a fantastic story. All I could say was, "Do you really believe that crap." These poor Mormon boys were in the company of a devil.
When I lived in the Virgin Islands three of my best friends were escapees from Salt Lake City. Having completed their missions and having attained priestly status their parents sent them on a sin vacation. They were both fun and funny. These novice sinners drank, drugged and fucked with such consistant comic results that everyone in town loved them to death. These sinful Mormons made more converts than all their years of mission work. Eventually they were called home, it was a sad day in paradise.
My friend Joe was sleeping with a Mormon girl. Said she wouldn't drink, take a toke but loved to fuck. I asked the missionaries on the couch, " I hear Mormon girls like to fuck." That upset them and they ran from my house.
I still relish in devilment. At the lake house I have introduced my humor to an Amish community. I told them right off I was the devil. The Amish are smart enough to realize that all outsiders are devils. They sell vegetables from their farm off county road RB. Great stuff and cheap. I found them a ride to the farmers market in Bolivar. Now I'm a devil/god.
Do not be judgmental. Always answer the door and let them in. Prophets, sinners, maniacs and thieves; invite them in.
Be the king in your castle.
The Contributor has no connection to nor was paid by the brand or product described in this content.
Published by greg skidmore
30 years a professional chef now retired and involved in commentary, creative writing and all things lyrical View profile
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1 Comments
Post a CommentI applaud your blog,LDS I have had little exposure to BUT the JW I use to slave for.
Jesus DID NOT cold call door to door especially with religious literature and ask for donations and certainly not 2-4 times a year after being rejected the first time.
Jehovahs Witnesses dissident speaks out on JW belief system .
A) They are at your door to recruit you for their watchtower society corporation,they will say that *we are just here to share a message from the Bible*... this is deception right off.
B) Their *message* creed is a false Gospel that Jesus had his second coming in 1914.The problem with this is it's not just a cute fairy tale,Jesus warned of the false prophets who would claim *..look he is here in the wilderness,or see here he is at the temple*.
C) Their anti-blood transfusion ban against *whole blood* has killed thousands.
D) once they recruit you they will *love bomb* you in cult fashion to also recruit your family & friends or cut them off