Irish Pride: How We Celebrate St. Patrick's Day

It isn't really a secret that the Irish are proud. But there are reasons why. We deserve it. I mean, we get our own holiday for crying out loud. And we aren't the only ones who celebrate it.

It is also widely known that the Irish like to drink. Which could explain the popularity of our holiday. But I still like to think it's because of us alone and not our alcohol. Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I'm proud. See the correlation?

So knowing these two basic facts about the Irish in America, this guide will teach you how to celebrate St. Patrick's Day as we Irish do. If you're anything like us, you'll have a blast.

Wear Green

Show off your love! Green is the color, and it doesn't even mean envy here. Unless you're envious of those who get to be Irish all the time, but we're welcoming; we like others to wish they were as we are. And if you don't wear green, you'll probably stand out wherever you go. And not in a good way. At least if you're wearing green, no one will notice when you spill green beer on your shirt. You know you will, so just do the color cooperation thing. You'll be better for it, I promise.

Start Drinking Early and Don't Stop

We go all day and all night. And we don't stop. There's enough green beer to go around many times. And if it runs out, there are plenty of other options.

Irish Coffee

If you're up super early, or let's say you have to work (although I surely hope not), an Irish coffee is delightful to begin the morning. Or get you through the day. Pour some Bailey's into your coffee and chances are no one will be the wiser. Either that or they'll want some for themselves. By all means, share.

Irish Car Bomb

To those who have yet to drink a car bomb, shame on you. Tell a true Irish[wo]man, and chances are [s]he'll buy it for you. Or at least put it on his tab. Guinness, Jameson, and Baileys. The three staples of Irish alcohol. All combined into one. You can't ask for something better. And if you do, you're foolish. I recommend at least two to start you off when you get out.

Green Beer

It's brought in especially for this day, so it would only be polite to drink it. By the time you finish it, your other drinks will probably have made it through your system and you will need to relieve yourself. It's perfect timing. Look in the mirror and notice your green tongue. We're all about the little things. And who doesn't love green dye on your tongue? You'll enjoy it, and if you don't, you have business pretending to be Irish.

Dublin Milkshake

Two car bombs and you're probably feeling a little hot. Cool off a little bit! All you need is some more Jameson, some more Baileys, and a little bit of milk. Some ice all blended together, maybe a little bit of vanilla ice cream, and you are good to go.

Irish Flag

Alright admit it. With all the green, the greenness of your tongue, the Irish people around you. You're feeling pretty good, right? A little envious maybe? It's okay to pretend. So show your own pride, and order an Irish Flag. It's a shot with alcohol the colors of the Irish flag. Crème de Menthe, Irish Cream, and Grand Marnier. Layered in a shot glass. Don't forget the cheer!

Irish Cheers

We have a sense of humor. We're enthusiastic. We like drinking. This makes for some great drinking cheers. Don't look ignorant of the tradition, learn some great Irish toasts. If you plan on following my drinking plan, you might want to write them down to remember. Or at least start studying right now. But don't worry, we're forgetful, especially in the presence of alcohol. So if you make something up, we probably won't even notice.

To start you off, here are some of my favorites.

• Here's to being single, drinking double, and seeing triple!
• Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint-- and another one!
• May you be in heaven a full half hour before the devil knows your dead.
• May those that love us, love us. And those that don't love us, May God turn their hearts. And if he doesn't turn their hearts, May he turn their ankles, So we'll know them by their limping.
• If you're enough lucky to be Irish... You're lucky enough!
• A bird with one wing can't fly. [To encourage another drink.]
• May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience, and enough coins in your pocket to buy a pint!

You now have all the tools. So go be Irish. Ooh, wear a pin. Or put on a fake tattoo. We like that.