Is America Spoiled?

Willy Wonka (either the Gene Wilder of Johnny Depp variety) was onto something by snidely, yet politely putting rotten little Veruca Salt in her place. The bratty character incited chuckles from audiences. But a closer examination of how these adults tend to grow up is often shocking, and sometimes quite frightening. For some, it's difficult to ascertain what the term "spoiled" really means. Arguably, there are different levels of "spoiled." And while many parents can argue that their children are nowhere as unruly as little Veruca, they most often mistake ineffective parenting skills for innovative ones.

WHAT IS SPOILING?

First and foremost is the debate on what kind of parental behavior constitutes spoiling. Over-indulging a child's desires can be as simple as a hesitance to say "no" to certain behaviors-or as extravagant as purchasing too many toys for him or her. The results of doing either (or both) vary from one extreme to the other. On October 6th, 2006, Oprah Winfrey addressed this topic on her national ABC network talk-show. Some guests on the show were mothers who have succeeded in giving their children too many material goods. One mother of three, whose oldest is now a mother herself, was faced with the reality that her [negligent] actions have adversely affected her own child's parenting skills. And the list goes on and on. The notion of spoiling a child is quite simple: It is the practice of fulfilling more of a child's wants than a child's needs. Parents have all sorts of creative and sometimes subconscious reasons for spoiling their children. For some, providing a surplus of materials goods is simply overcompensation for the things they themselves did not have growing up. Other parents overcompensate for working long hours. Some mothers and fathers are made aware of their behavior, and actively pursue a lifestyle change. The popular reality shows, "Trading Spouses" and "Wife Swap" tackle these topics on many different levels. On one episode of "Trading Spouses" a father admits that he didn't pay enough attention to his children after working exceptionally long work hours. His boys were acting out with their mother at home. Thus, he ultimately rearranged his schedule so as to spend more time at home. As a result, the brothers were appreciative of being with their father, and the aggressive behavior began to dissipate. Unfortunately, many parents do not have this sort of epiphany, and they begin to rely on other means in order to care for their kids.

AGE OF THE ELECTRONIC BABYSITTER

As we swing fully into the Digital Age, there are an infinite number of ways to entertain oneself. IPods, PDA's, and other electronic devices have found their way into as many pockets of today's children as adults. Parents find that it is much easier (and more serene) to place their children in front of an X-Box or a DVD player than it is to actually sit down and talk to them. In spending hundreds of dollars on expensive electronic gadgets, parents are both attempting to appease their kids and find some peace and quiet for themselves. But in effect, parents are actually desensitizing their kids to many character-building traits. Purchasing these electronic items as rewards for good behavior is essentially providing the message that the good deeds themselves are not reward enough for conduct which should be the norm anyway.

TREADING DANGEROUS GROUND

Mothers and fathers may find that offering rewards without merit often leads to deeply disturbing psychological issues. Providing a child with too much freedom is often just as damaging (if not more so) than providing him or her with excessive material goods. For instance, an episode of the [now defunct] sitcom, "The Bernie Mac Show", introduced the concept of a preschool which basically allowed its tiny students to dictate the flow of educational activities. The fictional instructor on the show explained to Bernie that affording the children this particular freedom would enhance their social and educational growth. However, a comedic pan of the cameras over the classroom revealed tots who seemed very much out of control. This brand of thinking ironically has made its way into the homes of many American families. Mothers in particular, as was revealed in Oprah Winfrey's October 6th show, have a tendency to want to befriend their children, as opposed to "mothering" them. They mistakenly believe that by attempting to relate to kids at a childhood level, they are better informed about the child's activities. But by doing so, they are inadvertently giving the message that the child is somehow EQUAL to the parent. Once this occurs, children have a difficult time discerning between child-appropriate and adult behavior. This causes issues in school with peers and with faculty, because the child then assumes that he/she is on the same level with all adults. Parents dealing with their kids in this way often find that their children have disciplinary problems at school. Furthermore, children will also assume that their peers should treat them as their parents do. Thus, friendships may be difficult to establish and maintain.

THE END RESULT

It may seem that no harm is done in ensuring that children have all the toys and freedoms they want. However, evidence to the contrary exists in legislation. "Zero Tolerance" policies set up in schools was done so because of a proliferation of alarming behavior exhibited by students. Parents of the Columbine killers not only supplied access to firearms, but also the permission to use them. The firearms themselves are not the issue. Presumably, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold would have found other destructive means to get their point across if guns were not available. Had the parents actively engaged themselves in their sons' lives, then perhaps the deep-seated issues could have been dealt with even before they ever entered high school. Clearly, the freedom they were granted to plan the day's fatal activities was something that both boys were already accustomed to.

The unsolved case of Natalee Holloway's 2005 disappearance in Aruba has unearthed several unsettling realities. While most of the vacationers during that time were of legal age, the recreational activities they were engaged in are the same ones many under aged Spring Breakers experience every year in places like Florida. There is still much debate about what Natalee was really doing hours prior to her disappearance. But in all probability, a carefree attitude, and an over-acclimation to personal freedom could possibly prevent the judgment necessary to avoid harm's way. Clearly, failing to present a child with boundaries at an early age will result in impaired personal development. One Atlanta single parent cites his own reasons for disciplining his toddler at an early age. "[Without discipline] children will not understand how to assume responsibility for their actions, nor will they assume responsibility for taking care of themselves…" He goes on to mention the many dangers children face as adults, when they have been rewarded with things they did not earn.

Many people often state that adolescent and teenage drug abuse is simply a cry for attention. But these cries for attention seem to be heard from kids of younger and younger ages. Once the video games and other electronics are no longer entertaining, children will look for other ways to entertain themselves. Sometimes that "entertainment" results in teen pregnancy. And there are other pitfalls associated with spoiling children. While all over-indulged kids do not grow up to become delinquents, many do become obese. Studies have also shown that rewarding children with food can be just as dangerous as awarding them with other material goods.

Over-indulging a child carries many negative repercussions. Varying levels of spoiling are associated with varying levels of delinquency. In a capitalistic society such as the United States', it can be said that the process of spoiling is a breeding ground for greed and competition, much of which has already chipped away at the nation's economy. Furthermore, the prisons are overloaded with individuals for whom no boundaries were ever established. The Atlanta single parent continues, "…jail is the only place where people will receive what they never got as [as a child]: discipline." Instead of placing disciplinary band-aids on society's gaping wounds, America should pay closer attention to the kinds of citizens they are releasing into the world.