Is Behavior Due to Personality or External Factors?

Have you ever heard a parent saying to a child: "I do not dislike you, but I DO dislike your behaviors!"? Who among us hasn't been incredibly aggravated at another person's behaviors and tried to differentiate that aggravation from our feelings about the other person? When it comes to understanding another person's behaviors, it can be helpful to try to discern whether or not those behaviors are influenced by his or her personality or internal factors or if they are do to external influences and factors.

Some of our behaviors are, in fact, due to personality traits and characteristics that are internally based. For example, if an individual acts distant and awkwardly reserved in a social situation, it may very well be because he or she has anxiety or shyness in social situations that have always been an element of his or her personality. If you notice that a particular person is always anxious or nervous in big groups, but that he or she does much better socially when there are only one or two other people, this could be due to personality and is "just the way the person is."

External factors can influence behavior as well-a person comes to a birthday party but on the way, she gets a speeding ticket and then cannot find a parking space once she arrives. When she walks in the door, she seems crabby, distant and distracted. If you are just meeting this person for the first time you might assume she is shy or anxious when, in fact, her behaviors are strongly influenced by the things that have happened. If you know the person in other contexts or have the opportunity to get to know her better, you may realize that these are not inherent behaviors but totally circumstantial.

As you strive to get to know people and to decide how you will act and react in social situations, it is important to take into account "why" others are behaving the way they are. Is it inherent to his or her personality or character traits or is it due to some other external reason?