Is it Better to Be All Grown Up?

My best friend kept asking me, "Did you look at my Easter pictures yet?" I'd love to see pictures of the children, but I really haven't had the time. Last night I made the time. The little girls were so cute in their Easter outfits hunting for Easter eggs, eating chocolate bunnies, playing with the gifts they received in their Easter baskets, frolicking around outside and by the lagoon with constant smiles on their faces on a beautiful Spring day. I yearned to see other pictures of her Easter Sunday too - the adults, the scenery, the food they prepared....

You know the saying, "Be careful what you ask for?"

Let me forewarn you, my best friend is Greek. As I relaxed at the computer enjoying her pictures, happily clicking 'next' after each one, then it came up on the computer screen...one of the most disgusting pictures I have ever seen...a whole lamb being roasted. I've never seen anything like it in my life. There it was on the spigot, tied as it looked like a really huge, fat and long hot dog, head still on, eye sockets as visible as the time of day. Oh my. Could anything be more disgusting? And more cruel? And to think that humans will be carving it once it is fully cooked and then heartily and enjoyably eating it. How do they do it????

After seeing the picture, it made me remember how innocent I was as a child. I remember when my mother and/or stepfather used to take me out for a lobster dinner and I was able to choose out of the lobster tank which lobster I wanted them to cook for me. I think I always chose the fattest one. Yum. When the server brought the whole lobster out to me on the dish, fully intact with the eyes, feelers, claws and all, I couldn't have been happier to be able to eat such a delicious food. Going out for a lobster dinner was always such a very special treat. I felt like such a lucky kid - so proud to be able to have such an elegant meal. To me, lobster tasted absolutely delicious. I gleefully dug into the lobster, moving its body parts around, breaking open its claws, to get to every bit of lobster "meat" that I could. I never left one bit of edible lobster to be thrown away. Usually mothers are able to eat what their children didn't finish on their plate, but not with me when it came to lobster.

Years ago I also always ate chicken skin. Yum, it was so tasty and crunchy. How on earth did I do it then?

I think we can attribute it to the innocence of youth. "Innocence is bliss." We didn't know better then. We didn't have as many fears as a child as we do as an adult. The fears we do have as an adult are different than the fears we had as a child. Innocence is still bliss as an adult, but we're innocent about different things. "Your perception is your reality." We favored different things as a child. What brought us joy as a child may not still bring us joy as an adult. Life was simpler then. Life was easier. We didn't have to think about, or care about much as a child. Maybe Sigmund Freud was right when he said it's all about the Id - pleasure impulses, during those early years.

When did the change take over me?

I truly can't pinpoint the exact moment, or time in my life when I no longer was able to first see alive what I ate, or eat what looks even close to what it actually is, or what and where it came from. Was it when I was pregnant and certain smells and tastes started bothering me? During morning sickness I too often threw up chicken noodle soup so afterwards, I couldn't eat that type of soup anymore. Was it after I had a child and I became more conscious for both of us to eat healthy? But fish is a healthy food. Was it my child with her picky food habits and her love for animals who then changed my preferences and turned me off to eating in such a way? I'm sure you can relate to how many times we've heard a child say, "Ewww." Was it my love for animals? But as a child I always had goldfish as pets. Not to mention all the turtles, dogs and cats I also had as pets throughout my life. Was it developing a weaker stomach as we get older? Possibly. Was it "Knowledge is power" and "As we get older, we get wiser?" Yes, possibly. Maybe the causes for the change were all of the above. I think they were.

Which way is best?

I can only answer that question from my own personal experience. Others may say, "You don't know what you're missing. You're too picky. You're a finicky eater. What's wrong with you?" I'm Italian: eat - "Mongia!" If you try to satisfy everyone, you will satisfy no one. The only person who is most important to you is you. Only you know what is best for you.

Mentally, I can't do it anymore. My mode of thinking can only stay positive as I eat, if I'm not eating anything that looks anything like what it was when it was alive, or where and what it came from.

Physically, one year ago I had very unexpected open heart surgery - a triple bypass. I only had slight pains for 2-3 weeks before and I thought it was bad indigestion, which I rubbed away. I did extremely well after the heart surgery - driving again 2 weeks later. It's scary after you have been through something like that and now that I know my heart has the potential to not being perfectly healthy. I WANT to watch what I eat and I WANT to make healthy food choices. Today I ate a piece of chicken. I immediately spit out a piece of chicken fat not only because it tasted disgusting and I was horrified to have that feeling in my mouth, but also because I know it is very unhealthy to eat.

See, as an adult I have different fears now. I have different concerns. I have to be concerned. I am concerned.

Is it better to be all grown up?

What do you think?