Is it Better to Be Alone or Dating a Jerk?

As an intuitive I deal with many people who call and ask about their romantic relationships. While this is not surprising to me, the lengths many are willing to go to just to have someone, anyone in their life is shocking.

Both men and women seem to be more willing than ever to accept poor behavior on the part of their romantic interest. What happened to the days of expecting to be given as good as you are giving? What happened to respect and common courtesy? When did the self esteem of the general population go down the drain?

I am not sure when someone changed the rules and decided that dating and romantic relationships were supposed to be something that caused intense angst and misery. I am not talking about the usual does s/he like me? Instead what I am asked about are men who show up every few weeks and the women that think they are in a relationship with these men. It does not occur to these women that they are the stand by girl in the event nothing better shows up or very simply they are an occasional booty call in between other girlfriends.

Men are not alone in the behavior of only showing up when they want something; it seems women are doing this often as well. There are also the women that get involved with the men who are very clear in the fact that they are not looking for a relationship/commitment/marriage and the women that think they are going to change their minds.

I often shake my head at the things people will accept from others and if most of them were really honest with themselves they would admit that they don't really even like the other person. Why do they put up with such horrible treatment then? Because they are afraid of being alone.

It's distressing to me that so many have lowered or simply thrown what they really want out the window and will accept partners who treat them poorly. Somehow I think it would be easier to be alone or out with friends on a Saturday night than sitting home waiting for a call that often does not come in and when it does, I am left feeling worse than I was before that person called me.

I was given a piece of advice when I was in my early twenties "Begin as you intend to continue". It is advice I live by even now twenty years later. When dating, I make my position clear with any potential partner and I ask clearly what they want. If our intentions are not the same, I have two choices: Move on or accept their stand without trying to change their mind.

The way you start out a relationship is the best it is ever going to be on many levels because each person is showing you their best side in the beginning. You won't see as many flaws early on, so if what that person is showing you in the beginning is something you feel you need to change down the road then you better walk away now. If you accept their behavior now, be prepared to accept it as long as you are together. You are setting the standards for how others treat you. Do you respect yourself? Do you expect to be treated well? Will you tolerate no phone call, no contact until they decide to turn their attention your way in a month or so? If you tolerate the behavior then there is no reason for the other person to think they are doing anything wrong if you keep allowing it.

Before you dive head first into any relationship decide what is acceptable to you and what are your deal breakers and then stick to those guidelines. Weed out the jerks and losers early on and make room for the good ones that really are out there. Allow yourself to be picky and you will find when you believe you deserve to be well treated then so will your date.