Is Your Boyfriend the Antichrist?

I used to jokingly refer to an ex as "The Antichrist" until I realized that the name perhaps implied power that I would never give him. I meant the term as a joke and it seems I have a kindred spirit in the form of author Patricia Carlin. I picked up her book at our local Pflugerville used bookstore (read my review here), to give to my daughter who was having a rough time after a breakup.

How to Tell If Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist: And If He Is, Should You Break Up with Him? offers a humorous look at more than 70 potential boyfriend types with advice on whether to keep or toss. If you are involved with an obsessive compulsive, for example, whether or not to break up is a tough call. "On the plus side you can absolutely count on him. He certainly follows a set routine. And he doesn't have much time to cheat between the hand washings. However, his extracurricular activities may leave little time for you."

Taking its cue from a combination of "He's Just Not that Into You, The Rules, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,"How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is the Antichrist is all for love and finding one's soul mate, but realizes we must make informed romantic choices. As the author reminds us, "Lust can severely impair your judgment."

Living well after a breakup requires a sense of faith in the universe and a well developed sense of humor. Chocolate also helps. I hope throwing some humor in the mix in the form of this delightful little book will help my daughter take the ups and downs of romance with a bit less drama. I don't like to see her hurt.

Here is an example:

"How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is a Narcissist

• During sex with you, he fantasizes that he's masturbating.
• Buys you mirrored sunglasses
• Doesn't understand what the big deal is about Johnny Depp
• Frequently wonders if you realize who you are dealing with
• Calls out his own name during orgasm"

Carlin recommends breaking up with the narcissist by telling him that "you're not good enough for him. He won't argue with that."

Does he pencil you in for a little spontaneity (control freak), make dinner reservations for 4:30 (too old for you), buy you a vibrator so you won't bug him for sex anymore (clinically depressed), keep Spock ears in his underwear drawer (Trekkie), or use cash only, no exceptions (fugitive from justice)?

You can use the handy index to look up these characteristics. For example, if your boyfriend has a bad haircut, the index will refer you to the possibilities that your boyfriend may be:

a time traveler from the past
an illegal alien
a bumpkin
a renegade cop
a gun nut
or
agoraphobic

This handy gift book is perfect for your single girlfriends. It would also be a fun party game, with people either acting out a boyfriend type from the clues, or people "confessing" that they dated a boyfriend from the book and regaling partygoers with the tale.

Source:

Carlin, Patricia, How to Tell If Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist: And If He Is, Should You Break Up with Him?, Quirk Books, 2007, Print