Is Your Boyfriend Listening? Try This Simple Phrase to Get His Undivided Attention

Women often complain that their boyfriend does not listen to them, thinking that they don't care. This isn't just an issue between people in relationships, but also in the mythical platonic relationship between men and women. The reason for this isn't because men are too zoned out or women just talk too much, the root of this is simply that men and women communicate in different ways. There is no reason to blame either gender for a lack of listening; we just need to find a better way to get our message across.

So ladies, if you want to get your boyfriend to be a better listener, here is one simple phrase that will fix all of your listening issues:

"I just need to rant a little, I'm not looking for a solution, I just want you to listen." (or some variation of that)

Why do I think this phrase is so important?

This simply boils down to the way men and women communicate and listen. Generally, when something is bugging a woman, she relates it in emotions and sometimes, all that is needed is a pair of listening ears, eye contact and an empathetic nod. When men are talking about their issues, we don't just want someone to listen to us; we want suggestions on how to fix the problem. Unfortunately, the person that you most want to listen to you, your significant other/boyfriend/husband/fiance, is not always the most receptive to your problems and may end up confused when you get even angrier because they were just trying to help!

Your boyfriend is hardwired to be problem solvers, not listeners; it is in his nature. This is why, when you want your boyfriend to listen to you about how you've bottled up all of your anger at the polite young lady that swung by your work today, he is not as compassionately listening as you'd hope or expect. Instead, his mind is racing to think of a way to fix whatever issue you are bringing up, and therefore, could come off as coldly as if he were not listening to your emotions. This is just how men are programmed, our car stops working and we check the oil, the paint is chipping and we go to Home Depot for some new paint, the internet stops working and we curl in a corner and cry (just kidding), and if our loved one has something troubling them, our first reaction isn't to listen intently, we listen enough to understand the problem and then immediately look for a way to fix whatever is troubling them! This is how we care.

This difference in showing our "care" has been with us throughout history. Not only were men and women raised in ways that would cultivate the logic (fixing things) versus emotion (listening) reactions, our brains are actually physically different in those regards. There are numerous scientific studies that show that the section of a man's brain responsible for logical thought is slightly bigger than it's counterpart in the female brain and vice versa for the part of our brains that control emotional reactions. There is nothing wrong with this difference or else we would all just be asexual.

If you want your boyfriend to listen to you wholeheartedly instead of interrupting you with "why don't you..." then just let him know that you just want him to listen and that you don't need anything fixed. It may take your man a couple seconds to process that, but once he does, he can focus his entire undivided attention on listening to you instead of worrying about a fix.