Is Cheating Forgivable?

Despite the varying statistics out there trying to put on exact number on the people cheating on their mates, they all seem to agree that about a quarter to a third of people are unfaithful in relationships. Assuming one has at least three to four relationships in their lifetime, it's safe to assume almost everyone experiences cheating firsthand at one point or another in their lives regardless of what end of the spectrum they lie, and whether they even know about it or not. Although the numbers are high of, each case seems to be unique in its own right since people create them, and no two people are the same.

Regardless of the different scenarios however, the feeling of pain is often a constant in most cases of cheating, for one or both parties involved. Hence, the question arises, is the pain too much to get over? Is the cheating forgivable? How does one measure and weigh this out? First, there are a few things to consider:

1. What is the definition of cheating? Some people view cheating as anything from kissing to sex. What if one wants to cheat and is declined the opportunity? Is it just as bad even though they didn't technically do anything? These things should be discussed at the very beginning of the relationship to clear up any uncertainties to avoid conflict down the road.

2. Quantity of times? Some people cheat once, some cheat regularly. One person may have a fling while another carries on a second relationship over the span of months or years. Is one worse than the other? Some may consider the second relationship more serious since more thought and effort is invested, implying the cheating is out of both mental and physical desire.

4. Quantity of people? Does it matter is someone sleeps with the same person ten times or if they sleep with ten different people each once? They both had the same amount of sex in the end, but is one really worse than the other? Does it matter whether the involved parties go ten years back or if they just met at a bar? It may be more difficult for some to forgive the cheater if the "cheatee" is involved in the daily life of the couple, i.e. a co-worker, neighbor, etc.

5. What is the inspiration behind the cheating? Is it a physical stimulation, intellectual stimulation, emotional support, or attention? Is one desire more acceptable and understandable than the other? Many feel that mental desires are more significant than physical and may find it more difficult to get past if that is the case since any two people can have sex, but not any two can be mentally stimulated.

6. Premeditation? Does it matter if someone gets a phone number, calls, makes a date and then is unfaithful versus randomly hooking up at an alcohol-infused party? One may argue the first scenario offers the luxury of time to clearly evaluate the wrongness of the situation, whereas the second doesn't, portraying it as worse.

7. Is it worse when there is a marriage? Some think yes. But is it any less worse if there is a relationship engaged to get married? Some like to get their kicks the nights of their bachelor/bachelorette parties and swear to never cheat during their marriage, acting as if they have a clean slate from the day of their wedding.

8. Are there any lingering results? What if a child was born as a result or if there was a sexually transmitted disease contracted? For some people, dealing with a child is permanent symbolism of the deception and they just can't handle the constant reminder on a daily basis for the rest of their lives, whereas it would be easier for them to put it past them without.

With so many factors to consider, it can be quiet difficult when deciding whether to forgive someone or not that has been unfaithful. It takes tremendous strength to let go of one's hurt and anger in such a case, and it may take a considerable amount of time too. Just because one forgives it doesn't mean they forget.

However, cheating is still cheating and continues to be a day to day concern for all too many. The human instinct is a great gift and often provides hesitation with good reason. And when there is no hesitation, there are also the cognitive processes of the brain and the feelings of the heart that have their way of communicating to the possessor. It's really just a matter of listening to them when deciding whether to forgive or not.