Is Your Child Slow to Develop?

With the average time when children meet milestones being spread out over gaps of 3 months or more, it can be anxiety causing for new parents who are watching Tommy, who was born weeks after their Suzy, start to walk while she just mastered sitting up. Reassurance can be found by talking to experienced parents, reading up on milestones, knowing what warrants outside intervention, and even talking with your doctor.

There are separate developmental categories for evaluating development in children. Gross motor, fine motor, speech, and social. Gross motor skills are the most apparent in the young child and consist of such things as rolling over, lifting his head, sitting up, crawling, and walking. Fine motor includes the pincer grasp (picking up a Cheerio, for example), transferring objects from hand to hand, finger feeding, and toilet training falls into this category. Speech is rather self explanatory and includes the imitative sounds your baby makes as well as understanding your speech and playing games that go along with songs. Social is the baby waving bye-bye, smiling, and recognizing friends and family.

What is normal?

If you look up 'infant milestones' you can find all sorts of information. Usually you will find a 'mean' or average time when babies meet milestones, and then an age range. The age range is what is important, and is generally spread out over a few months. Averages are misleading and fail to take into account your baby's personal time table. For example, the average age that children begin crawling is 8 months, but it is perfectly normal for your child not to crawl until 11 months. It is also 'within the range of normal' for your child to not sit up until another child his same age is starting to walk. Sitting up unassisted occurs between the months 5-9 and walking occurs between the months 9-17. Both are completely normal, though at playgroup it is concerning to the mother who's child just started sitting up, while little Johnny steals the show by taking his first steps the same week!

What if your child falls out of the range of normal?

My daughter just now started sitting well unassisted, at 10 months. Technically this is out of the range of normal, 5 to 9 months. It is important to look at the child's overall development and other factors. Did she have a stressful move or illness during month 9? Stress can delay milestones as the baby is focused on other things at that time. How is she developing in other areas? Has she really been using her voice lately? A child can focus on one area for a while and let the others slide. How is her overall development pattern? Some babies are just slower to develop. My daughter was slow to roll over, not all that interested in holding her head up, and content to be in one place. She has always been at the tail end of meeting her milestones, but continues developing so we don't worry. It is okay to not be the fastest kid on the block.

What warrants intervention?

I believe that intervention is to be used with caution. Babies are wired with their own timetable and trying to speed them up can push them into things that they are not ready for. But sometimes things just aren't quite happening right and you will want to help give them a nudge so they don't have too much to make up later on. If your child was previously meeting his milestones on an average or fast basis and all of a sudden stops, that warrants an evaluation from a professional. If your child is missing his milestones by a few weeks or a month, you can wait until your next visit with your family doctor and ask about it then. If you suspect something else may be up, really listen to your parenting instinct. It is common for mothers and fathers to pick up that their child needs extra help before a doctor does.

Okay, I see that my child is fine, but I still have a knot in my stomach when we go to playgroup and everyone else is ahead of my child. What can I do?

You might want to opt out of playgroup for a while, or join up with moms that you have more things in common with but have children of different ages. Taking a break might be just the thing you need to focus on your child and her accomplishments on her timetable. You can also talk with a pediatrician. Pediatricians see many many babies and will be able to reassure you that yes, your child is fine. Look at your baby book if you have it and ask around in your family about children meeting milestones. I did this and I found that all my sisters were late in their development, and yet we are 4 thriving normal adults! This was by far the most reassuring thing that I did.

Lastly, enjoy your baby. Take lots of pictures, smile and laugh a lot, and interact with her on her level, not the level you want her to be. There is no reason to 'fast track' infants. Allow them to grow and flourish according to their own time table.